(to Elaine) I opened the car door this morning; it was like a punch in the face! It was almost as if the smell GAINED strength overnight.

Jerry

Jerry: Hey, I've never smelled in my life, buddy.
Restaurateur: Really? Well, I can smell you now.
Jerry: That's from the car!

Elaine: When you're with a guy, and he tells you he has to get up early, what does that mean?
Jerry: It means he's lying.

Susan: You okay?
George: Yeah, yes! I just haven't seen you in a long time.
Susan: And you didn't expect me to be holding hands with a woman.
George: Oh, please! Me? C'mon? That's great! Are you kidding? I think that's fantastic! I've always encouraged experimentation! I'm the first guy in the pool! Who do you think you're talking to?
Susan: I KNOW who I'm talking to.
George: Of course you doIt's just, uh, y'know, I-I never knew, uh, that, uh
Susan: I liked women.
George: There you go.

(finding out that his former girlfriend is a lesbian) Y'know, the funny thing is, somehow I find her more appealing now It's like if I knew she was a lesbian when we went out, I never would've broken up with her.

George

Oh, this isn't even BO. This is beyond BO. It's BBO.

George

(referring to the car) ThisTHINGhas got to be stopped!

Jerry

Jerry: Boy, do you smell something?
Elaine: Do I smell something? What am I, hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.
Jerry: What is it?
Elaine: I think it's B.O.
Jerry: What?
Elaine: It's B.O. The valet must've had B.O.
Jerry: It can't be. Nobody has B.O. like this.
Elaine: Jerry, it's B.O.
Jerry: But the whole car smells.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: So, when somebody has B.O., the O usually stays with the B. Once the B leaves, the O goes with it.

Manager: What do you mean-- "stunk up?"
Jerry: I mean the car stinks! George, does the car stink?
George: Stinks.
Jerry: Stinks!

Susan: (pounding on Kramer's door) Kramer! Kramer!
Jerry: What's that? What's going on?
Susan: Kramer, open up, I know you're in there!
Jerry: Susan.
Susan: Kramer!
Jerry: What is going on?
Susan: You know what's going on? First, he vomits on me! Then, he burns down my father's cabin! And now, he's taken Mona away from me!

George: Someone stole the video right out of the car!
Jerry: Someone stole Rochelle, Rochelle?
Restaurateur: Well, you left the window open.
Jerry: We had to air out the car.

George: So, let me ask you. Do you think I did this?
Jerry: No, no. It's the valet guy.
George: No, no, I mean, driving Susan to lesbianism.
Jerry: Oh no, that's ridiculous.
George: What if her experience with me drive ger to it?
Jerry: Suicide, maybe, not lesbianism.

Seinfeld Quotes

I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!

George

George: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
Jerry: What do you need salsa for?
George: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
Jerry: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have any salsa?" We need more salsa." "Where's the salsa? No salsa?"
George: You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. "I wanted seltzer, not salsa!"
Jerry: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?! You have the seltzer after the salsa!"