This is our best model, the Cougar 9000. It's the Rolls Royce of wheelchairs. This is like, you're almost glad to be handicapped.


Jerry: We'll give the keys to Elaine.
Elaine: Me?
Jerry: Yeah. You're a woman. Men won't hit a woman.
Elaine: Oh, they won't?
Jerry: Not if they don't know you.

(as George picks up a broken piece of his father's car) You know, a lot of these scratches will buff right out...


Jerry: Your father got arrested? What for?
George: Parking in a handicap spot. Right in the middle of his United Volunteers meeting. When he got back, he chased after me with a baseball bat.

Jerry: Hey, what's going on?
Angry Woman: Some jerk parked in the handicap spot, so this woman in a wheel chair had to wheel up this incline, and half way up her batteries gave out, and she rolled backwards into the wall. They had to take her to St. Elizabeth's...
Jerry: Is she okay?
Angry Woman I don't know. We're just waiting here for the owner of this car to show up. He may not get out alive. Lazy bum! Taking up a handicap spot? He's gonna pay?
Jerry: Sons of bitches.

Jerry: We'll have to take your car, it's got the most room.
Kramer: No, no. My car's not running.
(George comes out from the bathroom)
Jerry: What about your father's car?
George: No, no, no. Out of the question. I was over there today. He's got the good spot in front of the good building in the good neighborhood. I know he's not gonna wanna move.
Jerry: Are you serious?
George: You don't know what that spot means to him. Once he gets it, he doesn't go out for weeks.

I love the name 'isosceles'. If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.


George: Is it my imagination, or do really good-looking women walk a lot faster than everybody else?
Elaine: We don't walk that fast.

George: I hate this mall, there are never any spaces here...
Kramer: Why don't you park in front of the hydrent?
George: What if there's a fire?
Kramer: Now what are the chances of that?

She's got everything I've ever wanted in another human being ... except for the walking.


Susan: You okay?
George: Yeah, yes! I just haven't seen you in a long time.
Susan: And you didn't expect me to be holding hands with a woman.
George: Oh, please! Me? C'mon? That's great! Are you kidding? I think that's fantastic! I've always encouraged experimentation! I'm the first guy in the pool! Who do you think you're talking to?
Susan: I KNOW who I'm talking to.
George: Of course you doIt's just, uh, y'know, I-I never knew, uh, that, uh
Susan: I liked women.
George: There you go.

George: So, let me ask you. Do you think I did this?
Jerry: No, no. It's the valet guy.
George: No, no, I mean, driving Susan to lesbianism.
Jerry: Oh no, that's ridiculous.
George: What if her experience with me drive ger to it?
Jerry: Suicide, maybe, not lesbianism.

Seinfeld Quotes

Cynthia: What does he look like?Elaine: Um, well, he's got a lot of character in his face. Um, he's short. Um, he's stocky.Cynthia: Fat. Is that what you're saying, that he's fat?Elaine: Powerful. He is so powerful, he can lift a hundred pounds right up over his head. And um, what else. What else. Oh, right. Um, well, he's kind of, just kind of losing his hair.Cynthia: He's bald?Elaine: No! No, no, no, he's not bald. He's balding.Cynthia: So he will be bald.Elaine: Yup.

  • Permalink:
  • Added:

I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!