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George: You bought non-refundable tickets, you idiot!
Kramer: She talked me in to it. She said it was the best deal.

(stuck in traffic) How does it look on your side? (George just stares at him angrily) We'll get there.

Kramer

Tia: Excuse me; I think you're in my seat.
Jerry: Oh, sorry. My mistake. (to himself) Thank you!

George: They're not here! You cost me fifty bucks!
Kramer: Look at you! You run like a girl! Run like a man! Lift your knees!

Tia: So, he says, "squeeze your breasts together," and I say, "I thought this was an ad for shoes." (Tia and Jerry both laugh)
Jerry: Oh my

Jerry: Tia, did you see all the flowers in that bathroom? It's like an English garden in there.
Attendant: They're gardenias, mostly.
Jerry: I thought I smelled lilac.
Attendant: Yes, there are a few of those, too.
Tia: It's almost overwhelming.

She's driving me crazy, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm here, I'm climbing the walls. Meanwhile I'm in this contest, I'm datin' a virgin, SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE!

Jerry

(after learning that Elaine is out of the "contest")
George: You caved?!
Jerry: It's over?!
George: You're out?!
Jerry: Oh my God, the Queen is dead!

(on Kramer's chance of winning the contest) You'll be out before the check comes!

Jerry

George: What are you doing tonight?
Jerry: Date with Marla.
George: Oh, the virgin? Any progress there, what's the latest?
Jerry: Well, I've got my troops amassed along the border. I'm just waiting for someone to give me the go-ahead.

Jerry: What's the matter?
George: My mother caught me.
Jerry: Caught you? Doing what?
George: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone
Elaine: You mean..?!
George: (Nods) Uh-huh.
Kramer: (laughing) She caught you?

Jerry: But the question is, are you still master of your domain?
Elaine: I'm queen of the castle.

Displaying quotes 193 - 204 of 941 in total

Seinfeld Quotes

Elaine: I never knew you were so into breasts. I thought you were a leg man.
Jerry: A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs.

I can't get a massage from a man.

George