Kramer: THE BEACH!!! (enters the apartment) You smell like the beach. What's the name of that perfume you're wearing?
Tia: It's Ocean by CALVIN KLEIN.
Kramer: CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That's my idea. They, they stole my idea. Y'see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.
Jerry: I know look at this (shows an ad from CK)
Kramer: (shocked) Whooo! That's you! What is going on here? The gyp, he laughs at me then he steals my idea. I could have been a millionaire. I could have been a fragrance millionaire, Jerry. They're not going to get away with this. (leaves)

Elaine: Date with Fred.
Jerry: The religious guy???
Elaine: He's not THAT religious!
Jerry: Let us pray...

(shocked) That's my nipple. My nipple's exposed. I sent this card to hundreds of people! My parents. My boss. Ah, Nana and Papa.

Elaine

Jerry: Did you look at look at this picture carefully?
Elaine: Carefully?
Jerry: Because I'm not sure and and and correct me if I'm wrong but I think I see a nipple.

Elaine: So, what's that?
Kramer: (not noticing) That's a nipple.
Elaine: Right!!
Kramer: (notices it) Ooo!
Elaine: Aw, great!? Didn't you see that?
Kramer: Aw, no, no I didn't notice it. No.

What is with this damn zipper?

George

Let me tell you, I didn't intentionally expose myself, but, now, I wish I had. For it is not me, but you who have been exposed, for I have seen the nipple on your soul!

Elaine

George: Hey! How come I didn't get a Christmas card? Everybody else got one. Jerry got one, Kramer got one. I thought we were good friends. I don't get a Christmas card. I don't get it.
Elaine: You want a Christmas card? You want a Christmas card? All right here. (rubs George's head on her breasts) Here's your Christmas card.

George: Two weeks ago I tried a soft boiled egg. Never liked it before. Now I'm dunking a piece of toast in there and I'm loving it.
Susan: I'm not a soft boiled egg.
George: And I am not a piece of toast.

So we go to her apartment and she goes to the bathroom. I'm cursing myself, "now how do I get out of here?" Then it hit me like a bolt of lightning. The pick!

George

I don't know but I think I see your
(scene ends)

Elaine

Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?!

Jerry

Seinfeld Quotes

I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!

George

George: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
Jerry: What do you need salsa for?
George: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
Jerry: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have any salsa?" We need more salsa." "Where's the salsa? No salsa?"
George: You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. "I wanted seltzer, not salsa!"
Jerry: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?! You have the seltzer after the salsa!"