Sly: She's smarter than me!
Walter: That's nonsense, no one smarter than you! Except me, and Ralph, and four other people I've read about.

Between you and me, I used to think that I was the winner because I got Toby, as much as anyone who gets Toby can be called a winner, but now that I've met you, I've realized that I was a consolation pick.

Happy

Amy: Look I get that you don't get me, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why.
Happy: Seriously?
Amy: Yeah.
Happy: You're a foot taller, three times girlier, a bikini model geneticist with a house in Bali, with Svengali power over my husband.

Dorie: Trash has no value. A threat has negative value. Tobias Curtis is a threat; therefore, Tobias Curtis is trash.
Toby: Hey Dorie, why don't you cram it up your motherboard?

Okay, you guys stopped a nuclear satellite, a runaway cargo ship, and an extinction event. You can't get us out of a hole in the ground?

Florence

I told Happy you'd be mad, but she wanted furniture.

Walter

Florence: Why do you guys hate him?
Walter: He married Toby's ex-girlfriend.
Sly: Stole Toby's ex-fiancée. He's a snake!

Walter: I'm so sorry. I told you all that I didn't need you. Well the truth is, my subconscious knows the opposite is true: you'd do better without me.
Toby: Imagine this 197, did we all know each other in your dream?
Walter: No. Happy was lonely. You were hanging on to an old memory for happiness, and Sly you were, you were living in shame. By the way I have a fix for your game. And Cabe you were grumpy, and you didn't have any friends at work.
Toby: But you said that we all saved your life?
[Walter nods]
Toby: Deep down your psyche knows that we are better together. You know that you need us, but you also know that we need each other, that we need you, Walter. We were successful in your dream because you think highly of us.

I don't even know how to spell "ordinary." I mean I do; it's not a hard word.

Toby

Sly: He's a fraud!
Happy: From my understanding, he's my future husband so take it easy.

Patty: I'm sorry, Mr. Dodd is unavailable.
Walter: I can't deal with you any more today.

Walter: I'm not a physics professor!
Chief of Police Cabe Gallo: He likes to shout out things he isn't. He also isn't married to someone named Florence.

Scorpion Quotes

Toby named it Ferret Bueller. I don't understand the reference.

Walter

What kind of punch does a jellyfish like?

Walter