Wednesdays 9:00 PM on USA
Royal-pains

You kind of look like Jesus and Patrick Dempsey had a child and that child grew older and got really sick.

Evan

It smells like a moose had sex with a bucket of Chinese food in here.

Evan

Jill: So how does pizza and a shower sound?
Hank: Like the crust would get soggy.

Divya: I feel useless out here. Is that what it's like to be you?
Evan: Do you treat patients with that bedside manner?

Hank: Ok, look, even if she's pregnant it doesn't mean she's cheating on you.
Tucker: Well, it does if we have never slept together.
Hank: Ohh! Yeah, it kinda does.

No smoking, no drinking, alone in bed...I'm a disgrace to France.

Antwon

(to Tucker) Okay, Dude, if you don't trust her [Libby] enough to snoop because you think you're going to find something bad, you don't trust her at all. Which means that the real insult would be to not go through her stuff.

Evan

Hank: Okay, um, are you currently on any medication?
Libby: Birth control.
Hank: So it's unlikely you're pregnant.
Libby: Assuming the whole Immaculate Conception deal was just a one-time thing, I'm going to say, yeah, highly unlikely.

I'd rather take the heat for being with the right guy than play by the book with the wrong one.

Jill
Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 106 in total