Here's to crap finally going our way.


I'm really glad you're writing again. It's inspiring.


The president spelled Illinois wrong in his tweet, but it still counts, right?


Open the door maybe the storm will suck us out.


Harris: I hate you! Each and every single one of you.
Becky: Don't say that. It only makes them stronger.

Well I'm old and now I'm unemployed.


Leak? I think this basement holds the water pretty well.


This little nightmare might pay for my knee.

Roseanne: Mom was right. She's worth more then both of us put together.
Jackie: Yeah but that's not what you whisper to your kids as you're tucking them in.

Becky: You will have to flirt, and probably a lot, to support your kids.
Darlene: I didn't even flirt to have them.

You're an alcoholic tramp.


When do men ever have to do any of this to make a living?


Roseanne Quotes

Dan: Candyman's home babe.
Roseanne: Oh, my favorite, drugs! What happened to the rest of our candy?
Dan: Funny story. Our insurance don't cover what it use to so I got the drugs for twice the price.

Roseanne: Dan! Dan!
Dan: What? What happened?
Roseanne: I thought you were dead!
Dan: I'm sleeping! Why does everybody always think I'm dead?
Roseanne: You looked happy. I thought maybe you moved on.