Here's to crap finally going our way.

Dan

I'm really glad you're writing again. It's inspiring.

Harris

The president spelled Illinois wrong in his tweet, but it still counts, right?

Darlene

Open the door maybe the storm will suck us out.

Darlene

Harris: I hate you! Each and every single one of you.
Becky: Don't say that. It only makes them stronger.

Well I'm old and now I'm unemployed.

Chuck

Leak? I think this basement holds the water pretty well.

Dan

This little nightmare might pay for my knee.

Roseanne: Mom was right. She's worth more then both of us put together.
Jackie: Yeah but that's not what you whisper to your kids as you're tucking them in.

Becky: You will have to flirt, and probably a lot, to support your kids.
Darlene: I didn't even flirt to have them.

You're an alcoholic tramp.

Darlene

When do men ever have to do any of this to make a living?

Darlene

Roseanne Quotes

I know if you're looking for work don't click on FantasyPositions.com. They're people working, alright, but it ain't a job site.

Dan

Dan: Candyman's home babe.
Roseanne: Oh, my favorite, drugs! What happened to the rest of our candy?
Dan: Funny story. Our insurance don't cover what it use to so I got the drugs for twice the price.