Riverdale
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on The CWRiverdale Quotes
Betty: Does this band have a name?
Archie: It’s … The Archies,
Jughead: What? Was the Me, Me, Mes taken?!
Archie: We can change the name.
Veronica: No! The Archies … I like it.
Cheryl: What about you and Archie canoodling?
Betty: That was just pretend.
Cheryl: I don’t know, cousin, that looked pretty real to me.
Betty: Well, yeah, that was the point.
Cheryl: Right. All I’m saying is your secret is safe with me.
Betty: The sequence holds true for every ghostwriter who proceeded them. It’s actually incredibly simple.
Jughead: Which brings us to a couple of months ago when I was awarded the contract. Why? To put a target on my back. Probably because I was already circling the truth, so he gave you guys a new challenge: to commit the perfect murder against me and be awarded the contract.
Betty: So, the million-dollar question is, “Who was going to kill Jughead and how?”
Mr. DuPont: Well, Mr. Jones…
Jughead: Shut up!
[The room silences]
Jughead: Mr. DuPont, as they say in Lord of the Flies, “I have the conch.”
Jughead: What, did you miss me?
Bret: You’ve got to be kidding me?!
Mr. DuPont: Mr. Jones, we all thought you were…
Jughead: That I was dead?! Yeah, for a minute there I thought I was too.
Betty: Yeah.
Jughead: Hey, what’s that often-used Mark Twain quote? “Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”
Joan: What is happening right now?
Betty: It is called getting your comeuppance, Joan.
Donna: You must really miss your brother? When was the last time you saw him? He isn’t really dead, is he?!
[Betty comes rushing over]
Betty: Donna, are you serious?! This is Jughead’s little sister and you’re accosting her!
Donna: Oh, come on, Betty. You and I both know this is all an act.
Betty: B****, I’m done with you. Let’s go.
Veronica: Well, well, well! If it isn’t the girl who cried, “Papi.”
Hermosa: I did a little digging like you asked me to.
Veronica: And?
Hermosa: You are lucky I am such a good P.I. because you’ll never believe what I found out.
Donna: In case you’ve forgotten, I’m the brains of this operation. We still have a job to finish and a meddlesome girlfriend to pin this on.
Brett: Yessir.
Donna: And if you ever undermine me again, you will go the way of Jonathan, may he rest in peace. And that’s a fact.
Alice: Though, I understand you made quite the public spectacle over the Archie and Betty romance?
Veronica: Hmmm, I think you mean I gave an amazing performance?
Alice: But weren’t you afraid that something might actually spark between them?
Veronica: I trust Archie, and I trust Betty. To be honest, the thought never crossed my mind.
Betty: Go to hell, Evelyn
Evelyn: Oh, I’m already in hell, Betty. This is hell. And soon you’re going to be here too because they’re saving a cell for you on Murderer’s Row, down the hall from Old Sparky where they keep all the killer.
Hiram: I didn’t want the pity. I didn’t want you to see me as weak. Ever.
Veronica: Daddy, all I want is to be a source of strength for you. I love you. And, we’re going to fight our way through this. Together.
Betty: You drugged me, Donna You put a bloody rock in my hand, but it was you or one of your demented chums that killed my boyfriend.
Donna: Fascinating theory, but here is what I think you did. Rather than try to explore to the authorities what you were doing with a bloody rock standing over Jughead’s corpse, you hid or got rid of the body. Archie and Veronica helped you, am I right? No need to answer me, I know that’s what happened, just like how I know Jughead’s body will never be found.
Betty: Yeah, why’s that?
Donna: Because if it was, all of the forensic evidence would lead to you, Betty. The crazy girlfriend with the history of mental illness. The perfect murder! No body, no crime.
