Ben: Where did you get a Washington Monument figurine at midnight on a Tuesday?
Leslie: From my office - I have like 50 of them.

Ben: Why are you laughing?
Leslie: Because my dream is dead.

Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.


Andy: I'll tell you what honey, here's the deal -- you get fired, I'll
quit too. I'm serious. We'll move to a new city, burn our fingertips
off with acid, swap faces...
April: What?
Andy: If we have to.

Your ambiguous ethnic blend perfectly represents the dream of
the American melting pot.


First of all, you did the right thing by hiding underneath this table.


We brought a sorry for your loss fruit basket for Bobby. And
it is very classy -- no melons and no apples.


Anything else would be a classless move, on par with spray
painting nipples on the Lincoln Memorial.


My official statement is that is, overall, a bummer.


He's just playing hard ball. Let me tell you how it's going to go
down. In a few minutes, we'll walk in there, we'll give him our
demands, and then BAM -- I start crying.


In the last few weeks, we've turned this campaign into a
well-oiled machine. Leslie's stump speech is 10 minutes, 40 seconds,
every time. Here, check this out. There will be a big laugh right ...
now. And now a two-second awkward silence as Leslie does her Rodney
Dangerfield impression.


If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I
will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.


Parks and Recreation Season 4 Quotes

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

No blood orphans. I don't know what that is.