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Parks-and-recreation

Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.

Listen, I've eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won't affect the only part of my job that I like.

Ron

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

"The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy."

Ron

"I want to spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you. And I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy."

Andy

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

"No Oren I don't know how I'm going to die. Wait, are you asking me or telling me?"

Ben

"Excuse me! Are there any strippers here? Former strippers? Non-dancers but you're feeling a little bit drunk?"

Tom

"One time I fell madly in love with a civil war re-enactor that I had only known for six hours. And then I found out he wore the clothes all the time... and he was married. But the clothes thing really bothered me."

Leslie
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