Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.

Listen, I've eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won't affect the only part of my job that I like.

Ron

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

"The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy."

Ron

"I want to spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you. And I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy."

Andy

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

"No Oren I don't know how I'm going to die. Wait, are you asking me or telling me?"

Ben

"Excuse me! Are there any strippers here? Former strippers? Non-dancers but you're feeling a little bit drunk?"

Tom

"One time I fell madly in love with a civil war re-enactor that I had only known for six hours. And then I found out he wore the clothes all the time... and he was married. But the clothes thing really bothered me."

Leslie

"One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind."

Tom

"Are you sick? Are you terminal? Is it like that movie A Walk to Remember?"

Leslie

"Do you know where you are right now? We're in the jungle. They're no friends here. It's every woman for herself."

Donna
Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 259 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

Ron
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