I doth proclaim to be a stupid fart face.

Leslie

It's not for me. These waffles make great dog laxatives.

Lindsay

Did you guys get your public forum gift bag? There's an iPod Touch in here.

Tom

Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.

Ron

Fixed her "deviated septum" and lost 35 pounds. And lost something else... what was it again? Oh yeah, her soul.

Leslie

Ron refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is. He's even had it redacted on all government documents.

Leslie

Everyone shut up and look at me!

Ron

That's what you see when you close your eyes at night Jerry. Topless Leslie glued to a horse!

Tom

I'm sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?

Ben

Ben: You always separate your lights from your darks.
April: That's racist.

Public Art Commission. Filled with hippies who love public art and sometimes weed. Jackpot.

Leslie

There's a 30% chance they'll die.

Ben

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

Leslie: Yellow haired female... likes waffles and news.
Ann: Sexy, well-read blonde... loves the sweeter things in life.
Leslie: Much better.
Ann: Hobbies?
Leslie: Organizing my agenda. Wait, that doesn't sound fun...jammin' on my planner!
Ann: Favorite place?
Leslie: Upstairs there's this mural of wildflowers, and I like to sit on a bench in front of it.
Ann: Really? It could be anywhere in the world: Paris, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon...
Leslie: Nope. Just the bench in front of the mural.
Ann: What about an actual meadow, where wildflowers are?
Leslie: Eww, Ann, I'm scared of bees, mural!
Ann: Okay, what do you think of dogs?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Cats?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Fish?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Turtles?
Leslie: No opinion. They're condescending.
Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron