When life gives you lemons make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.

Andy

Chris, you have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible that it might ruin the entire department.

Ron

[To Leslie] Your Mom, kind of made a pass at me.

Ben

This spaceship keyboard is driving me crazy. I'm down to one word a minute and the word is perflipiskop. Because I can't fly spaceships.

Donna

Leslie: When I first met you I thought you were a fascist hard ass.

Ben: What?

Ben: Should we talk about how you claimed your mom was a Filipino woman you've never met.

Leslie: Should we?

There's a whole room on the fourth floor where they store the knives they've confiscated from people who went to the fourth floor to stab someone.

Tom

Chris: Somebody say my name.

Jerry: Chris.

Chris: Swivel! What is it, Jerry?

Jerry: You told me to say your name.

Chris: And you did a great job superstar.

This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. They always try to shake things up and their ideas are terrible and it brings city hall to a grinding halt. I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show.

Ron

Chris: Jerry, I believe you are capable of much more.

Jerry: I'm not.


You know what I should do? I should get my mother a one way ticket to London, leaving today. That way Ben never has to meet her and I could visit her in London. Everybody wins.

Leslie

Ben: I think at some point you and I should probably make out with each other.

Leslie: Yeah, good call.

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

Leslie: Yellow haired female... likes waffles and news.
Ann: Sexy, well-read blonde... loves the sweeter things in life.
Leslie: Much better.
Ann: Hobbies?
Leslie: Organizing my agenda. Wait, that doesn't sound fun...jammin' on my planner!
Ann: Favorite place?
Leslie: Upstairs there's this mural of wildflowers, and I like to sit on a bench in front of it.
Ann: Really? It could be anywhere in the world: Paris, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon...
Leslie: Nope. Just the bench in front of the mural.
Ann: What about an actual meadow, where wildflowers are?
Leslie: Eww, Ann, I'm scared of bees, mural!
Ann: Okay, what do you think of dogs?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Cats?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Fish?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Turtles?
Leslie: No opinion. They're condescending.
Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron