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No, I don't care about their relationship. I just don't want to lose April. I would never be able to find a worst assistant.

Ron

Why are you working the permit's desk, and why was that child clubbing your nuggets?

Ron

Crazy Ira: Know why I'd never be an astronaut? Two words: Space farts. You can't roll down the window to the shuttle. Am I right, folks?

Unless Andy can un-kiss Ann, then I'm not going to change my mind.

April

April: Do you have Internet in your office?
Chris: Yes.

And I even called Oprah. Well, I tried to call Oprah. Couldn't get her number. I'm putting it out there, like The Secret. And hopefully she'll call me.

Leslie

Leslie: Boy, 35 percent.
Ben: It's actually 34.2 percent.
Leslie: 34.2 percent. I am Ben, the numbers robot.

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron

Took her home. Polished her up. Bought a brand new ribbon off of electronic bay dot com.

Ron

Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.

Leslie

Tammy: You're a joke. You're not even a man anymore. Oh, and by the way, last night I faked four out of the seven.
Ron: So did I.

Ron: Tammy and I are in love, and we're going to start a family together. In fact. She's ovulating. So if you'll excuse us, we're heading off on our honeymoon.
Jerry: Wow, where you going?

Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 259 in total

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Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

Zerts are what I call deserts, tray trays are what I call entrees, sandwiches are sammies, sandoozles or Adam Sandlers, air conditioners are cool blaterz with a "z" ... I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies, I call noodles long ass rice, fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick, chicken parmesan is chicky chicky parm parm, chicken caciatore is chicky catch, I call eggs pre-birds or future birds, root beer is super water, tortillas are bean blankets, and I call forks... food rakes!

Tom
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