Ron: Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. June 2004: Porterhouse, medium rare, Bearnaise sauce. January 2000: They call this one, The Enforcer. February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid.

Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.

Tom

Leslie: I think it should be me and then you. But, if you want, it could be you and then me. Or it could go me you me. What do you think?
Ron: How about just you?
Leslie: Thank you, Ron. Yes.

Leslie, you need to understand that we are headed to the most special place on earth. When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards there flecks of meat in my mustache and I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.

Ron

Tom: Watch the master work it, I am the Yoda of networking.
Ben: Well Yoda wouldn't actually need networking, his powers were more spiritual.
Tom: Shut up you nerd!

What happened to the steaks that were in there when they closed? (tearily) Do you think they got eaten?

Ron

He's not going to be able to keep anything from me. In high school they used to call me Angela Lansbery... but that was because of my hair cut.

Leslie

His real name is Dante Fiero, but he changed it to Dennis Feinstein 'cause that's way more exotic in Pawnee.

Tom

You don't have to buy me things. I just like being around you.

April

Ron: You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.

Skywriting isn't always positive.

Leslie

Tom: Joan, let's make a pact, OK? If we're both still single in an hour, let's get married.
Joan: Tom, I'm already married.
Tom: Oh, that's right. To Seal. Oh, I confused you with Heidi Klum again.

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

Leslie: Yellow haired female... likes waffles and news.
Ann: Sexy, well-read blonde... loves the sweeter things in life.
Leslie: Much better.
Ann: Hobbies?
Leslie: Organizing my agenda. Wait, that doesn't sound fun...jammin' on my planner!
Ann: Favorite place?
Leslie: Upstairs there's this mural of wildflowers, and I like to sit on a bench in front of it.
Ann: Really? It could be anywhere in the world: Paris, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon...
Leslie: Nope. Just the bench in front of the mural.
Ann: What about an actual meadow, where wildflowers are?
Leslie: Eww, Ann, I'm scared of bees, mural!
Ann: Okay, what do you think of dogs?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Cats?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Fish?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Turtles?
Leslie: No opinion. They're condescending.
Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron