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Parks-and-recreation

"One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind."

Tom

"Are you sick? Are you terminal? Is it like that movie A Walk to Remember?"

Leslie

"Do you know where you are right now? We're in the jungle. They're no friends here. It's every woman for herself."

Donna

"It's like if you could have a Xbox pancake."

Andy

"The dentist pulled the tooth out yesterday but it's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. Plus, it's always fun to see Tom faint."

Ron

This brook won't stop babbling. Shut up!

April

What the fuck is a German muffin?!?

Ron

Ben: I'm just gonna sleep on the floor.
Ron: It's called the "ground" when it's outside.

That's the second most awkward way someone has grabbed my breast.

Leslie
Displaying quotes 82 - 90 of 259 in total