Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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Ken Hotate: There are two things I know about white people: they love Matchbox 20, and they are terrified of curses.

The statement that this reporter has is a question.

Perd Hapley

We all just behave rationally and believe we're in control of our own destinies. Come on!

Leslie

One time when I was in high school a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time when I was on a date and I tripped and broke my kneecap, and then the guy said he wasn't feeling it, so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for awhile, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me to never call him again. One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. Skywriting isn't always positive. Another time a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers. And then when I tried to sit down, he said, "Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming." And then he broke up with me.

Leslie

Women's razors work better. For whatever reason men's razor technology hasn't figured out a way to properly contour the shin bone.

Chris

Leslie: Chris is cheating on Ann. There's evidence everywhere. She's coming up here so they can have it out.
Ron: Ask her to bring some garlic salt. I'm worried Chris doesn't have any.

When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache. And I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.

Ron

If you would be willing to just take a brief pit stop, we could see Indiana's second-largest rocking chair.

Leslie

Then I'm sure he's not cheating on you. But if he is, he's a monster. And if he's not, you guys are great together. But if he is, I will kill him.

Leslie

I want to treat April like a queen. And queens deserve flowers and massages, chocolate, booze, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, them treasure chests full of scarves, different kinds of lubes that warm up when you rub them on stuff.

Andy

So, what do you want to do tonight? We could watch TV at Burley's house, or we could watch TV at your house. Or, I mean we could watch TV at Best Buy.

Andy

I move around a lot, so the friends I make in these cities, they're like Facebook friends, you know? "Hey, Doug from Bloomington is thinking about buying a shirt." Come on, Doug, who cares?

Ben
Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 259 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

Ron