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I was completely flustered, I came off like an idiot. I mean, at one point, for no reason, I just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.

Ben

Tammy: Guess I'll be heading home.

Ron: Catching the number twelve bus to Satan's butthole?

Tammy: Actually I prefer the number 69 train to Humpsville Station.

Ron: An hour ago an entire fireball consumed my entire face and it was far preferable to spending another second with you.
Tammy: Tell that to your pants tent.

Does the carpet match the face?

Tammy

Ron, are you mad at me? Because without eyebrows I can't really tell.

Jerry

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

Ron

I think if you would know one thing about me it would be that I prefer laying wreaths to lighting torches.

Ron

I hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears.

Jean-Ralphio

Leslie: Oh President Reagan, my blazer popped open.

Ben: Well, Maggy Thatcher, let me help you with that. Our countries have had a very special relationship.

Ben: Show me Pelosi again.

Leslie: Okay, lay down.

Hello Leslie, how long have you been sleeping with Ben?

Ron

I made my money the old fashioned way. Getting run over by a Lexus.

Jean-Ralphio
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 259 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

Ron

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron
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