Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 2 Episode 19: "Park Safety"

Leslie: Scientifically hummingbirds are the world's cutest animals. I mean they're so small, they have tiny beaks and they only eat sugar water. I mean what beats that? Come on. Baby monkeys in diapers? Yeah, they do. Baby monkeys in diapers are cutest.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 18: "The Possum"

Leslie: When I retire, and I'm attending some gala honoring the first three female presidents in history, myself and two other women I have inspired, I want to be looking back at my distinguished legacy and not thinking that I owe my career to some possum. And I want to be wearing a huge beautiful blue hat!
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Yo. So I feel like you were mad at me yesterday and I don't know why so I made a list of everything I did and I'm going to try not to do any of them again.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: No, I'm bringing my workshop up to the Swanson code. And if the Swanson code happens to overlap with the city government code...
Mark: Shut up!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: I can't kill the possum because it might be innocent. I can't let the possum go because it might be guilty. Can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool, can't spell the word lieutenant. There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

April: No, I've gotta help Leslie find the truth. Not because I'm pissed at Andy, which I'm not. Because I care so deeply about possums. 'Cause they're so adorable.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: OK, hypothetically if you're going on a mission to, say, catch a guilty whale. And while you were catching the whale, you saw something else that may also be another whale, and you were like, "What?" But then you thought, "Maybe it's not a whale. Maybe it's a big fish, maybe it's a submarine with a face painted on it." The point is if I kill the first whale, am I technically a murderer?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: I understand that city codes exist. And I know why they exist. And I understand that you enforce them.
Mark: OK.
Ron: OK, good talk. Can you sign off on my plans now?
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: I broke up with Ann. Yeah. Shortly after she kicked me out and told me we wouldn't be together anymore.
 • Rating: Unrated

Shauna: Were you scared?
Andy: No, no I wasn't. Well I lived in the pit for the better part of last year and made some vermin friends. You know what? Friends sounds stupid. Colleagues. They are bad at sharing, but they are good at tag.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Let me explain something to you, Tweep. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, Andy. Act."
Tom: So, you weren't thinking?
Andy: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Andy, you remember Shauna Malwae-Tweep from the Pawnee Journal?
Andy: How could I forget? You wrote the article when I fell in the pit and then afterwards had sex with Mark and everyone talked about it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: By day. Andy Dwyer, shoeshinist. By different time of day, Andy Radical, possum tackler. And by night? Do whatever I want, no job.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: How long do you think it will take me to learn golf, Leslie?
Leslie: I could teach you. I have a 16 handicap. But, you know, it takes a lot of practice. You have to get up early, hit the range, practice reading greens.
Tom: Yeah I don't want to do all that. I'd say I just want some of those dope pants.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: Those dates are arbitrary. They're like those expiration dates that the government forces companies to put on yogurt and medicine.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mark: You've got hazardous chemicals over here.
Ron: Yeah, which only I am breathing. It's the same liberty that gives me the right to fart in my own car. Are you going to tell a man that he can't fart in his own car?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mark: Ron, none of this is up to code.
Ron: Sure it is. It's up to the Swanson code.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: Hey, Mark. Welcome to my haven. You're the first non-me to set foot in this building in ten years.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Tom: I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

April: Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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