I love her so much, but I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face.


I just got to tell you I'm a little tired, so I may have parked on your front lawn.


Hey, Mark. It's Leslie. Change of plans. Can you call me back? Tom, get here. Call me. Bye. Hey, Leslie. It's Leslie. Hang in there. I love you. Bye.


Or get your tissues out if you're like me and think handkerchiefs are gross.


You ever seen this man sleep? It's like underwater ballet.


Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.


Ron: I suffer from a disorder called Sleep Fighting.
Leslie: Wow, must be terrible.
Ron: Only when I'm losing.

I need you to make that out to Wendy. Tom is an amazing guy. You never should have left him. You made a huge mistake in your life and you're probably going to die alone. Love, Detlef.


Brooks Brothers Boys, it's like the cuts are slimmer, and it's cheaper. Win win.


Leslie: So how are things going with you two?
April: They're going really well. We're gonna get married and I'm pregnant with his child.

Martin: Coming up, a very special video presentation called Even My Tongue is Fat: The Story of Pawnee.

Diabetes. Yuck. Tonight we're hoping the people of Pawnee dig their big, chubby hands into their plus-sized pockets and donate generously.


Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.

If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?