I don't think that's a good idea. Women need a lot of blood to flow through to their baby centers, which leaves less to the brain, you see?


Leslie: Well, don't be such a baby. I cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.
Ron: I ate it already.
Leslie: What?
Ron: I could smell it in your purse before I even parked my car. And now it's gone and I hate everything.

I love parks. I don't know if that's something I've communicated before. So, having a picnic with all the former living parks department directors? Guess who just checked something off her bucket list!


It's the biggest catalog of the year. Think of the September issue of Vogue, but it's more important to Pawnee. Mainly because we don't get Vogue here.


Leslie, my first wife Tammy tried throwing me a surprise birthday party . When I saw my friends hiding through the window, I drove to a gas station, called the cops and told them people had broken into my home. I'm not big on surprises.


Chris: I'd love to chat with you. Can I call you?
Ann: You have my phone number?
Chris: No, you couldn't remember your phone number. But you gave me your phone.

Ann: Hey, Ron. Did we make out last night?
Ron: Good god, woman. No.

Leslie: What was that song you played at the swearing in ceremony?
Ben: "Whoop, There It Is."
Leslie: Yes. God, I was so jealous of you.

When I was 18, I ran for mayor of my small town and won. Little bit of anti-establishment voter rebellion I guess. Here's the thing, though, about 18 year olds. They're idiots. So I pretty much ran the place into the ground and after two months got impeached. Worst part was my parents grounded me.


The problem is I only have 15 penises, so, there would have been 28 girls who are really upset with me.


Ten cosmos. Eight Smirnoff Ices. And everything else starts with the word pomegranate. Aw, was it your bachelorette party?


Don't keep him too long. I need someone to be here when I take a multivitamin. It's a choking hazard.


Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

I've seen you look at her ass when she leaves the room. You love her.