Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 2 Episode 22: "The Master Plan"

Chris: I'd love to chat with you. Can I call you?
Ann: You have my phone number?
Chris: No, you couldn't remember your phone number. But you gave me your phone.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ann: Hey, Ron. Did we make out last night?
Ron: Good god, woman. No.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Leslie: What was that song you played at the swearing in ceremony?
Ben: "Whoop, There It Is."
Leslie: Yes. God, I was so jealous of you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ben: When I was 18, I ran for mayor of my small town and won. Little bit of anti-establishment voter rebellion I guess. Here's the thing, though, about 18 year olds. They're idiots. So I pretty much ran the place into the ground and after two months got impeached. Worst part was my parents grounded me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: The problem is I only have 15 penises, so, there would have been 28 girls who are really upset with me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lucy: Ten cosmos. Eight Smirnoff Ices. And everything else starts with the word pomegranate. Aw, was it your bachelorette party?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Don't keep him too long. I need someone to be here when I take a multivitamin. It's a choking hazard.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Leslie: I'm here to speak to Ben, actually.
Chris: Great, I'm going to listen to some ocean sounds and do some pull-ups.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Scientists believe that the first human being to live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Leslie: Wow, you have a lot of bottles there.
Chris: Oh yeah, would you like a vitamin? B12? Evening Primrose Oil? Willa Bar? Magnesium?
Leslie: No thank you.
Chris: Sure? They're good for hangovers.
Leslie: OK, I'll take one.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: You know what's thirsty? You know what's weird? How thirsty I get when I'm weird. When I'm drunk.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jean-Ralphio: This party sucks. Let's get out of here.
April: It's my birthday party.
Jean-Ralphio: It is?
April: Yes.
Jean-Ralphio: Sorry, boo.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jean-Ralphio: One time I waited outside a woman's house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants.
April: That's so cute.
Jean-Ralphio: Yeah, super cute.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: I'm reading this, and I'm like, how could they hurt those gorillas like that? They're such gentle, magnificent creatures. You know, I'm an animal lover, I don't know.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ann: I loved Andy. Loved him. Loved Andy. He was a totally helpless baby when we met. I dated him for three years. Now he's an adult with a job. And some other girl is going to reap the rewards of my hard work? That's [expletive].
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ann: Let me ask you something. I'm hot.
Andy: Is that a question?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: Ladies. Is there anything you desire at all? Besides me?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Ron: What's a not-gay way to ask him to go camping with me?
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Leslie: Well, but Chris said that you just had to, you know, tinker with things.
Ben: Yeah he said that because that sounds a lot better than, "We're going to gut it with a machete."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: What exactly will you be cutting? And how much of it, and can I watch you do it while eating pork cracklings?
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

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