Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes (Page 25)

Season 2 Episode 3: "Beauty Pageant"

Leslie: I'm a judge, so I don't want to seem partial, but Trish will win this over my dead body.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: I had to call in a few favors. But if you don't call in favors to look at women in bikinis and assign them numerical grades, what the hell do you call in favors for?
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 2: "The Stakeout"

Leslie: We have a criminal emergency on our hands. Someone planted a gateway drug in the community garden.
Ron: Call the cops.
Leslie: Then it will leak to the press. Then there will be an investigation, and they'll find my fingerprints on the manure, and then we'll lose our funding.
Ron: You don't have funding.
Leslie: We never will if this gets out.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Ron! Did you get my text?
Ron: No.
Leslie: Did you get my email?
Ron: Mmm.
Leslie: Did you see that I paged you?
Ron: I did not.
Leslie: Did you get my voicemail?
Ron: I didn't.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: What kind of spice is this?
Tom: The best way to figure out what kind of spice THAT is ... is roll it up into a joint and smoke it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ann: I just want to check one last time that you're okay about this date with Mark.
Leslie: Oh, Ann, I am so fine. As long as you and me are cool. You know my code. Hos before bros. Uteruses before duderuses.
Ann: Got it.
Leslie. Ovaries before bovaries.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was kind of indescribable really. I felt like I was floating. It turns out that there wasn't any marijuana in it, it was just an insanely good brownie.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: All that matters is that Ann and Mark got home okay. That Ann went back to her home and Mark went back to his home. That they're both at their homes, and-
Tom: Leslie. Mark's an idiot. You can do better than him.
Leslie: Aww. Thanks Tom.
Tom: I don't mean me. Keep it in your pants, Knope.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: What is this?
Leslie: It is a mix CD. It's full of songs about people watching people ... it's mostly Sting.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: [on his name] I changed it to Tom Haverford. Because brown guys with funny sounding Muslim names don't make it far in politics.
Leslie: What about Barack Obama?
Tom: Okay. Yeah. Fine. Barack Obama.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cop: Ma'am, as I told you, this is a police matter.
Leslie: Well, it doesn't seem to MATTER. To the POLICE!
Cop: Okay, nice job with that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cop: What branch of government are you in?
Leslie: Parks and Recreation.
Cop: Parks and Recreation.
Leslie: Yes. Parks and recreation. Did I STUTTER?
 • Rating: Unrated

April: I had to wait until my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. you ready?
Ron: I was born ready. I'm Ron F*%king Swanson.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 1: "Pawnee Zoo"

Ann: [to Andy] I'm happy for you about your job, and that you've learned some new words, but I've made my decision.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: There are two bisexual guys here and I got both of their phone numbers. Oh yeah!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marcia: When you symbolically married those penguins on government property you took a stand in favor of the gay marriage agenda.
Leslie: That's not what I intended.
Marcia: Then why else would you marry penguins?
Leslie: Because I firmly believed that it would be cute. And it was!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ann: Andy? After we broke up, he told me he would doing to Kansas to climb mountains. So ... I don't really know where he is.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: I've seen so many dudes from City Hall here tonight, it's crazy! [pause] But, I guess they've seen me here too. Which is not so great.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: You know why tonight is so much fun? Because everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing ... everyone is just who they are and who they are is just stone cold gay.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mark: I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there's probably a good reason why I'm down here. And then I remember thinking I need morphine.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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