Just one rule, I don't want to date a twin because I've been tricked before


[My ideal man] has the brains of George Clooney and the body of Joe Biden.


You know I was only with Mark for one night and I was hung up on him for six years. I dated Dave for three months, so if I continue that pattern I won't be over him for 500 years.


Talking about writing about what I'm doing. Now I'm singing about talking about writing about what I'm doing.


Honestly, if you wanted to, you could go triplets right off the bat, Leslie.


I'm trying to think of this as an adventure, just getting right back on that horse, even if that horse is crazy and wants to peer inside my body.


I got a night club opening to go to, which tie should I wear?


Andy: You have to choose: me or Justin?
Ann: What? No. I'm dating Mark!
Andy [to camera]: This close.

I wanna punch you in the face so bad right now.

Ron [to Tom]

Chris: Are you on your period?
Leslie: No. Does that matter?
Chris: Not for this.

It's gotten a lot harder to work in government. You think Winston Churchill ever had to pull his pants down and show his butt? No. But would he have? Yes. Now could he have? Well maybe not towards the end of his life. But, he would have. Because he loved his job.


There's a $75 change fee, but I could pay you that or I could reimburse you. There's a lot of ways we could handle that.


Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.


April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.