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Parks-and-recreation

Tom: [imitates Ann] Mark, what are we doing tonight? [imitates Mark] Oh, I don't know, Ann. We could do the usual boring stuff like eat some chicken salad with some crackers or watch some pay per view. Or, we could go to my nightclub and do some dancin'.
Mark: I don't think so, man.
Tom: You'd never have to beg for sex again.

Ron: Come on Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women.
Leslie: You do attend a shocking number of WNBA games.

Tom: I have two questions for you. One, are you ready for the investment opportunity of a lifetime? And two, do any of you have pacemakers or a history of epilepsy?
Jerry: Yes. Both.
Tom: Anybody? No? Alright.

April: Here's a great one. It's a Tudor mansion. It's got seven rooms, four bathrooms. It's got a tennis court, a pool and a three-car garage.
Andy: What?
April: And it's only $20,000 a month. And it's in Chicago.
Andy: Ahh, that close. It was almost perfect.

I've always wanted a doorman, named Ernie. That would be awesome. Or Kip. I'm pretty flexible on that.

Andy

Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner because I've won an award.

Ron

Which of these objects most represents women for this portrait? A pot? Or this deputy director Barbie? Isn't it adorable? She's got a little briefcase, her cell phone.

Ron

This VIP card gives you exclusive access to the investment opportunity of a lifetime. Where? Multipurpose room F. When? 3 p.m. Dress code? Black tie optional. Just like life.

Tom

Be proud of yourself. You deserve an award. Not this one, obviously. This one belongs to me. But some other one. Some other lesser award.

Ron
Displaying quotes 199 - 207 of 508 in total