How could you invite Wendy when Ron's here? He's gonna wrap her up in his mustache and take her home!


It's rock and roll, my friend. Fast, smooth, handsome rock.


Well, frankly I would love to hit that. But Ann's being a little weird about it.


Ann: Hey, how's the date going?
Leslie: Good, we just finished the MRI.

Chris: Did you ever break your arm? You can answer that. Here, I'll turn it off.
Leslie: One time I was on my bike and some boys were making fun of me, so I chased them and I lost control. I'm surprised you can see that. It was like three years ago.
Chris: Can't believe I turned the machine off for that.

Tom: I meet a girl at a bar. She seems kind of into me, could go either way. I get her number. It's two days later. What do I text her?
Zach: It was nice meeting you.
Tom: No, Zach. I don't text her it was nice meeting you. I wait eight weeks and I text her, "what's crackin'?"

Leslie: Wait. How's he gonna know it's me? I'll wear a red rose in my hair. No, I'll wear a giant red hat. No, I don't have one of those. What should I wear? It's gotta be red.
Ann: I will just tell him what you look like.

I had to finish watching Swimfan because it was... on.


Jerry: April, there's no paper in the printer.
April: So?
Jerry: So, that's the one thing you do.

You are wearing the hell out of that suit, sir. Banana two-button. We should talk later.


Leslie: So what is your specialty? Is it locking up the bad guys or keeping them on the street?
Justin: Uh, neither. Civil litigation mostly.

I'm back on the horse, and this horse is a lawyer so I'm looking forward to riding him.


Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

I've seen you look at her ass when she leaves the room. You love her.