After I got home, I drank six more glasses of whiskey and then I finished crafting this mall harp, using a bandsaw, a spokeshave and an oscillating spindle sander.

Ron

Swansons have a preternaturally high tolerance for alcohol. My old man used to put Wild Turkey on his cornflakes.

Ron

Tom: Brendanawicz. Quick question: Do you personally know Xzibit because I was checking out that pick up truck of your's and that ride is pimp.

Wow, that family looks so healthy. Look at them, they're all wearing vests.

Leslie

Who am I suppose to ask for fashion advice? Jerry? He wears the same suit-stained khakis every day.

Tom

Why don't you get some Canadian bacon on it, since you're from Canada, and sausage, because I'm brown and spicy.

Tom

Pawnee is the fourth most obese city in America. The kids here are just beefy. They're husky, big-boned, chunk monsters.

Ann

Oh, Andy. You're fine, but you're simple

Donna

That's really sweet that your grandparents still make love.

Andy

I think the entire government should be privatized. Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the swing set. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, look at a duck.

Ron

You look like Encyclopedia Brown

Leslie

Justin is hip. Pawnee is the opposite of hip. People in this town are just now getting into Nirvana. I don't have the heart to tell them what's gonna happen to Kurt Cobain in 1994.

Tom

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.