Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes (Page 20)

Season 2 Episode 8: "Ron and Tammy"

Ron: Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her. Her birth was payback for the sins of man. But you know the worst thing about her?
Leslie: She works for the library.
Ron: She works for the library.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Ron: Tammy is a mean person.
Leslie: Come on, Ron. You can do better than that.
Ron: She's a grade-A bitch.
Leslie: There we go.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tammy: Baby, don't you see what's happening here? She's manipulating you because she's jealous of me and the things I get to do to your body and face.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: Are you even listening to yourself? You're defending the library now? Ron, the library. Of all the horrifying miserable things in the world.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: So what did you guys talk about? Old times? Oh, I love talking about old times. New times are great too, but there's just something about old times. You know what I mean?
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to, 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Ron: I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real. Today I got the real thing. A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning. I should have taken a picture of it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: When Tiger Woods feels invincible he wears a red shirt and black pants. Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Tammy: It's really good to see you, Ron.
Ron: You've aged horribly.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare in the eye of Satan's butt hole?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: I want it to be a perfect park with state-of-the-art swing set and basketball courts and off to the side a lovely sitting area for kids with asthma to watch other kids play.
Tammy: Wow. If I had a park like that when I was growing up I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall slut phase.
Leslie: Well, that's... that's the goal, Tammy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy [to Ann]: Yeah, just joined the rat race. Just chasing the cheese. Racing the rats. Trying to get the cheese. Enough technical business talk, you look ravishing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Ma'am? Shoeshine? I won't look up your skirt.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tammy: You have overdue book fees totaling three dollars, missy.
Leslie: That is so typical. I should have known you'd use a low blow dirty pool BS move like that. That's why everybody hates the library. Here, you know what? Here's your three dollars. And I'll see you in hell.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: I knew that you had two ex-wives named Tammy, so I was hoping that there was one you got along with and...
Ron: Nope. Hate 'em both.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Does she have any weaknesses?
Ron: No.
Leslie: What do you mean no? Everybody has a weakness.
Ron: Not machines. I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone from the future to come back and destroy all happiness.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Ron's ex-wife? That's terrific. Or is that awful? I mean he hates her, but he knows her. Everything's OK, or is it just the same?
Tom: Leslie, you're thinking out loud again.
Leslie: Am I? I am.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They're mean, conniving, rude and extremely well read, which makes them very dangerous.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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