Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes (Page 17)

Season 2 Episode 11: "Tom's Divorce"

Mark: You have nothing else to give me.
Andy: I have a T-shirt I tackled Eddie Vedder in. It's literally priceless.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron [about Wendy]: Looking at her, I feel like she might be the perfect spooning size for me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: Step two. Lose to your opponent intentionally so they gain confidence. Step two has been completed. Easily. Very easily, Mark is pretty good at pool.
 • Rating: Unrated

Donna: I love you, Tom. You're my lil' prince. Just want to put you in a little cape and a little hat and just fly you around.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: I really wish I could have your body.
Tom: What?
April: Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?
Jerry: No, no I mean you're in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.
Leslie: That was weird, Jerry.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: No, I just figured because, uh, pool's all about angles and he's a failed architect that he might want to play pool.
Mark: Let's do it.
Ann: Really? That worked?
 • Rating: Unrated

Waiter: How do you want that cooked?
Leslie: Medium roar.
Waiter: Medium rare?
Leslie: No. Medium roar.
Waiter: For legal reasons we're not allowed to make puns about the temperature of the meats anymore.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: Oh, uh, also, Mark. Again, we don't have those extra small condoms you ordered. I called the factory, i''s going to take a special order. Not just because of the size, but because of the weird shape as well. Something they've never dealt with before.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Hey, Mark. The shoe shine stand still doesn't have that syphilis medication you were asking about.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: This seems like none of our business.
Leslie: Be supportive, OK? Don't be all like, "No. I don't want to. I am a guy and I like fire, and playing hockey and eating meat. No, no says I."
April: That was a really good Ron.
Leslie: Thank you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: That is the problem. Tom always seems like "Mr. Slick Too Cool Guy," but he's actually hiding his emotions underneath a very thick layer of Axe body spray.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: I did a little research, and divorce is the number two most stressful event in a person's life. Of course marriage is number seven. So, watch out everyone. It's all bad.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Leslie: I've seen you look at her ass when she leaves the room. You love her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Honestly, it's fine. It lasted longer than Avril Lavigne and the guy from Sum 41, am I right?
Leslie: I don't know what those are.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: They'll only talk to you or me. And I can't go, because I don't want to.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: They put a popcorn machine up there just to brighten things up, but they used the wrong kind of oil and a bunch of people had to get their throats replaced.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 10: "Hunting Trip"

Leslie: Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.
Ron: Sure, how about you shoot me in the head. Oh wait, you already did that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: Man is the most dangerous game.
Donna: To the Predator.
Tom: I did smell something out there. And it wasn't human.
Leslie: That was pine trees.
Donna: The Predator can see heat.
Tom: We should cover ourselves in mud. It could still be out there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Maybe Ron shot himself.
Leslie: Mmm, he has seemed really depressed lately.
Mark: He was shot in the back of the head.
Leslie: You're right. He loves the back of his head. He would never shoot himself there.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: When I look at my palm I see a lady's mouth French kissing a dog. Is that normal?
Ann: Well, the pain medication I gave you is pretty strong. Donna uses it for menstrual cramps.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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