Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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Coffee is my favorite non-alcoholic hot drink, except for hot tea. And hot orange juice. Weirdly delicious.

Andy

It's a robot bear! It's programmed to snuggle.

Tom

All I want in life is to own a nightclub on every continent, have my own line of upscale sweatsuits and cologne called Tommy Fresh and I fell a thousand dollars short.

Tom

Jean Ralphio: Let's seal this devil's three-way right here, right now. Step one, we buy into this club. Step two, we roll over to the club either in your Mercedes Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend. Step three, I dagger you on the dance floor. Just bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce now all the ladies sayin' bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce. What do you say, sexy?
Donna: I'm out.
Tom: Why?
Donna: I hate that guy.

The IOW is a bunch of sexist jerks who need to get back in the kitchen where they belong and leave the real feminist work to actual feminists like Ron Swanson. Oh my god what is happening?

Leslie

Elise: But, if you give a women's award to a mustacheoed, masculine man such as yourself, well then eventually people take notice.
Ron: I don't want the damn thing.
Elise: Well we're giving it to you. So, you're going to take it, like a man. So congratulations.

Tom: [imitates Ann] Mark, what are we doing tonight? [imitates Mark] Oh, I don't know, Ann. We could do the usual boring stuff like eat some chicken salad with some crackers or watch some pay per view. Or, we could go to my nightclub and do some dancin'.
Mark: I don't think so, man.
Tom: You'd never have to beg for sex again.

Ron: Come on Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women.
Leslie: You do attend a shocking number of WNBA games.

Tom: I have two questions for you. One, are you ready for the investment opportunity of a lifetime? And two, do any of you have pacemakers or a history of epilepsy?
Jerry: Yes. Both.
Tom: Anybody? No? Alright.

April: Here's a great one. It's a Tudor mansion. It's got seven rooms, four bathrooms. It's got a tennis court, a pool and a three-car garage.
Andy: What?
April: And it's only $20,000 a month. And it's in Chicago.
Andy: Ahh, that close. It was almost perfect.

I've always wanted a doorman, named Ernie. That would be awesome. Or Kip. I'm pretty flexible on that.

Andy

Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner because I've won an award.

Ron
Displaying quotes 193 - 204 of 508 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron

I've established a scientifically perfect, ten-point scale of human beauty. Wendy is a 7.4, which is way too high for Tom, who is a 3.8. 10 is tennis legend Steffi Graf.

Ron
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