Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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I broke up with Ann. Yeah. Shortly after she kicked me out and told me we wouldn't be together anymore.

Andy

Shauna: Were you scared?
Andy: No, no I wasn't. Well I lived in the pit for the better part of last year and made some vermin friends. You know what? Friends sounds stupid. Colleagues. They are bad at sharing, but they are good at tag.

Andy: Let me explain something to you, Tweep. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, Andy. Act."
Tom: So, you weren't thinking?
Andy: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.

Leslie: Andy, you remember Shauna Malwae-Tweep from the Pawnee Journal?
Andy: How could I forget? You wrote the article when I fell in the pit and then afterwards had sex with Mark and everyone talked about it.

By day. Andy Dwyer, shoeshinist. By different time of day, Andy Radical, possum tackler. And by night? Do whatever I want, no job.

Andy

Tom: How long do you think it will take me to learn golf, Leslie?
Leslie: I could teach you. I have a 16 handicap. But, you know, it takes a lot of practice. You have to get up early, hit the range, practice reading greens.
Tom: Yeah I don't want to do all that. I'd say I just want some of those dope pants.

Those dates are arbitrary. They're like those expiration dates that the government forces companies to put on yogurt and medicine.

Ron

Mark: You've got hazardous chemicals over here.
Ron: Yeah, which only I am breathing. It's the same liberty that gives me the right to fart in my own car. Are you going to tell a man that he can't fart in his own car?

Mark: Ron, none of this is up to code.
Ron: Sure it is. It's up to the Swanson code.

Hey, Mark. Welcome to my haven. You're the first non-me to set foot in this building in ten years.

Ron

I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.

Tom

Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.

April
Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 508 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Andy: April, you're like an angel with no wings.
April: So like a person?

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron