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Parks-and-recreation

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Ron: I need anyone with a pulse and a brain to pitch in.
Jerry: Ron, do you need help with anything?
Ron: No, we're good. Thanks. In fact, you can head home early.

Round up whoever's free. I'm going to need more Ron Swansons.

Ron

Do you want me to postpone the rest? Or I could set myself on fire and create a diversion.

April

Leslie: Thanks for the coffee.
Ann: That's also for Mark.
Leslie: I really need it though. But next time more sugar, OK? Thanks, bye!

I'm sorry, Ron. As much as I would like to go for the all-time city hall single-day meetings record, there is an emergency. Someone is trying to alter a gazebo.

Leslie

Tom: Hold up. Former beauty queen Jessica Wicks?
Bill: Yes.
Tom: I'm Tom Haverford. I'm going to be running point on this, Bill.

In 1867, the progressive Rev. Turnbill officiated a wedding between a white woman and a Wamapoke Indian chief. The secret ceremony was beautiful and romantic. But then word got out and the reception was a bloodbath. Fortunately there were two survivors. Unfortunately they were both horses.

Leslie

Leslie: OK, so I have everything I need, right? I have a fresh cup of coffee, comfy fur-lined boots.
Tom: I'm going to need those boots back by the end of the day.
Leslie: Yeah, no problem. They're actually a little narrow for me.

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