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I got you one of those veggie muffins you're always eating. Tastes like a rug.

Andy

Leslie: Why didn't you just tell everybody the truth?
Jerry: Are you kidding me? Imagine what Tom would have said.
Leslie: Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What'd you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?

Carl: There's been 10 assaults already this year.
Leslie: Wow, really? Can't you station a park ranger out here?
Carl: We have! Who do you think they're assaulting? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell.

Tom: This thing is a mess.
Carl: We used to have three cars actually. The first one got pushed into the creek by some kids. The second one raccoons got onto. There was urine everywhere. And the third one was recently stolen.
Tom: What's this one?
Carl: This is the second one. The raccoon piss one.

Yeah I've always been a bit of an outdoorsman. When I was a kid, my parents used to make me hang out in the backyard a lot and just run around 'til I got tired. But if there's any criminals out there watching, I never get tired. And ladies too.

Carl

Ann: I watch a lot of Lifetime movies. There was this one, "How Far is Too Far Enough: The Terry Palaver Lonagan Story." This woman had agoraphobia and her therapist was obsessed with her. And he hid in her house, and then he attacked her and tried to eat her toes. Also, her daughter was having sex way too young. So yeah, free self defense class? I'm there.

Andy: Ron, do you think maybe I should put Mark in a headlock? That way I can show everyone how to escape a pervert.
Mark: In the scenario you just laid out, you're the pervert. You understand that right?
Andy: You wish.

Carl: Oh you think you know how to do my job? You might not be so confident once you've walked a mile in my size 7s.
Leslie: Kinda small feet.
Tom: Actually 7 is the worldwide average.
Carl: Boom!

Leslie, have you seen Avatar? I never saw Avatar. I wanted to read the book first, but then I realized that there's no book version of Avatar. What'd you guys do for St. Patty's Day? I was wearing this T-shirt that said, "Kiss Me I'm Irish." But no one would kiss me.

Carl

Jerry: Anyway, hunting and fishing season is winding down, OK? And we all know that it is already closed season on twout. So now-I said twout instead of trout.
Donna: It happens to everyone.
Jerry: My marbles are full of mouth today.

Tom: You went on a vacation and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
Jerry: My wife and I have a timeshare.
Tom: In Muncie?!
Leslie: Tom, Muncie is a lovely city.

I always had fun with Andy. The problem is when you're his girlfriend, you're also his mother, and his maid, and his nurse. He's completely helpless. He's like a baby in a straightjacket. Ooo, baby in a straightjacket, that's a good band name. I should tell him that.

Ann
Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 508 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Andy: April, you're like an angel with no wings.
April: So like a person?

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