Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes (Page 12)

Season 2 Episode 16: "Galentine's Day"

Wendy: You're suing me for alimony?
Tom: Yes. When we were married I got accustomed to a certain lifestyle and I'm entitled to money to maintain that lifestyle.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Andy: My problem is I don't know how to tell if we're doing good, because when you play a rock show, it's really easy to know if you're doing great because chicks will flash their boobs at you. When you're up on stage. And you're like, "That musta sounded pretty good." But I can't, if that happens here my eyes will fall out of my head and I'll die.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: Uh, I mean that sucked. Didn't it?
Bandmate: Maybe if you sang it like Louie Armstrong?
Andy: Maybe, yeah. I mean here's the thing though: Who is that?
 • Rating: Unrated

Derek: Because old people are funny.
Ben: Yeah, it'll be like the Golden Girls.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: Or, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Oh, Jen. I really want you to be happy. Stay away from John Mayer!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Justin: Pick you up tomorrow around noon.
Leslie: For our nooner, which is a cute word!
Ron: Explain it to her later.
Leslie: Explain what?
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Andy: I just wrote a new song, OK? Bottom line: it's called "sex hair." It's about how you can tell when someone just had sex 'cause of how their hair gets matted up in the back. It's awesome.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom [to Wendy]: But think about how much better our friendship would be, if we added, doing it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: Some of them have been married for half a century. And, no offense, but everybody here is terrible at love. Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice, jury's still out on you two, and Jerry, who knows?
Jerry: I've been happily married for 28 years. You've met my wife, Gail, many times.
Leslie: Whatever.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mark: I knew, eventually, somehow being in a relationship with you would totally pay off.
Ann: I bought him some actual towels. He was using a bathrobe. And I bought him some other things that humans usually use, like shampoo.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: But if you find him and he's weird, like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer or anyone who pretends toys are people, then abort the mission.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: It's the most romantic story ever. It makes The Notebook look like Saw V.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: If you look inside your bags you will find a few things. A bouquet of hand crocheted flower pens, a mosaic portrait of each of you made from the crushed bottles of your favorite diet soda and a personalized 5,000-word essay of why you are all so awesome.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 15: "Sweetums"

Leslie: The first line, by the way: Oh captain, my captain. Ron Swanson, a swan song. Yeah. It gets better from there!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: That's the Canadian version. Twenty-two extra minutes. And there's a bonus audio track where LL Cool J raps all his dialogue.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marcie: Hmm, you seem to have a $40 late fee on a book called Mysteries of the Female Orgasm!
Leslie: No I don't!
 • Rating: Unrated

April: Oh my god, they're amazing.
Jerry: They're more than amazing. They are terrific.
April: Terrific's not more than amazing, Jerry.
Jerry: No? Well, it's not less.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: After I got home, I drank six more glasses of whiskey and then I finished crafting this mall harp, using a bandsaw, a spokeshave and an oscillating spindle sander.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: Swansons have a preternaturally high tolerance for alcohol. My old man used to put Wild Turkey on his cornflakes.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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