Tom: Hold up. Former beauty queen Jessica Wicks?
Bill: Yes.
Tom: I'm Tom Haverford. I'm going to be running point on this, Bill.

In 1867, the progressive Rev. Turnbill officiated a wedding between a white woman and a Wamapoke Indian chief. The secret ceremony was beautiful and romantic. But then word got out and the reception was a bloodbath. Fortunately there were two survivors. Unfortunately they were both horses.


Leslie: OK, so I have everything I need, right? I have a fresh cup of coffee, comfy fur-lined boots.
Tom: I'm going to need those boots back by the end of the day.
Leslie: Yeah, no problem. They're actually a little narrow for me.

Ron: To me, this situation is a blood-soaked, nightmare-ish hellscape. However to Leslie Knope-
Leslie: Oh how fun!
April: Yay.

Mark: Leslie, can I run something by you really quick?
Leslie: Sure, I love having things run by me.
Mark: I feel like you're being sarcastic right now.
Leslie: No, no. I'm not. I genuinely love it. Run it by me. Go ahead. Go, go, go.

April: I used to play softball.
Andy: I used to play baseball! It's like the boy version of softball.

Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?


An animal on the head, a manimal in the bed.


Hey, Jerry? April was just double checking the lunch order. Do you want the salmon or the twout?


This is the only copy, and I'm going to destroy it. Right after I watch it one more time. I'm sorry but it is so, good.


That segment was a disaster. Don't you ever [expletive] me like that again. This is Pawnee [expletive] Today! Do you know that I bumped a cat that can stand up on his hinders for you?


I came on today because I have some very important information to share. I finally saw Avatar and I thought it lived up to the hype.


Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.

If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?