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Parks-and-recreation

Tom: Whenever Ron has sex, the next morning he comes in dressed like Tiger Woods. Oh god.
Lucy: What? Who is that?
Tom: That is my ex-wife.

Tom: Is that bacon on your turkey leg?
Ron: They call it a Swanson.

Tom: Ron Corleone. This really attractive woman is my girlfriend, Lucy.
Ron: Hello, Lucy.
Lucy: Hi.
Ron: Whoa. Impressive handshake.
Lucy: Thanks. My father told me that a limp handshake was for weak men and communists. He hated both.
Ron: Well done, Tommy.

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Hello, Pawnee. I'm Rinatta Ricotta. Freddy Spaghetti couldn't make it today. He bumped his noodle. There was sauce everywhere. It was just streaming out of his face. It was really scary.

Leslie

Andy: Is there any chance you could fix me in the next 10 minutes.
Dr. Harris: Sure. I'll just advance medical science 30 years.
Andy: Great.

Ann: You have two broken bones in your right arm, and four in your hand.
Andy: That's the side that hurts.

Donna: When we canceled on him, he took another gig in Eagleton. At a library.
Tom: That's literally the worst place I could imagine.

I accidentally told them what you're doing in an attempt to save some government jobs. It's been a very strange day for me.

Ron
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