Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 1 Quotes

Season 1 Episode 6: "Rock Show"

Andy: The band has had a few different names over the years. When we started we were Teddy Bear Suicide. But then we changed it to Mouse Rat. Then we were God Hates Figs; Department of Homeland Obscurity; Flames for Flames; Muscle Confusion; Nothing Rhymes With Orange; then Everything Rhymes With Orange; Punch Face Champions; Rad Wagon; Puppy Pendulum; Possum Pendulum; Penis Pendulum; Handrail Suicide; Angel Snack; Just the Tip; Threeskin; Jet Black Pope; we went back to Mouse Rat and now we are Scarecrow Boat. God when I hear myself say "Scarecrow Boat" out loud I kind of hate it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wendy: How did Leslie meet her boyfriend?
Tom: She used to read him books at the senior center.
Beth: Wow. How old is he?
Tom: He's 6, but he has Benjamin Button disease.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mark: Honestly, Leslie, it's going to be a long uphill battle. You are going to be super-annoyed with all the people who want you to fail. There is a sea of red tape, endless road blocks. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Leslie: Screw it. I'm gonna try to do it anyway.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 5: "The Banquet"

Ron: I enjoy government functions like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with a steel toed boot. But this hotel always served bacon wrapped shrimp. That's my number one favorite food wrapped around my number three favorite food. I'd go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates if they served bacon wrapped shrimp.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: In a town as old as Pawnee there's a lot of history in every acre. This wooded area is the site of the murder, actually, of Nathanial Bixby Mark. He was a pioneer who was killed by a tribe of Wamapoke Indians. He traded them a baby for the city that is now Indianapolis. They cut his face off and made it into a dreamcatcher. And they made his legs into rainsticks. That's the great thing about Indians, back then, is they used every part of the pioneer.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: Yes, I'm married. But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. The fact that I haven't even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to both of us.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: I like your hairdo, Leslie.
Leslie: Thank you, Ron.
Ron: It's just like my brother's. He's an officer in the Air Force.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 4: "Boys Club"

Leslie: I don't want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jim: I love Great lakes wine.
Tom: You can have the wine. I'm wanna take that cheese and do terrible things to it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ann: [on Leslie] Smart woman. Iffy choice in men.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: [after knocking over beer bottles] Did you hear that? Was that the sound of a glass ceiling being shattered?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 3: "The Reporter"

Leslie: Tom Haverford. Boy genius. Smooth like milk chocolate.
Tom: That's kind of a weird way to describe me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Shauna: I'm surprised no one's complained about this.
Leslie: Oh, tons of people have. Yeah ... we get letters every day.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: (showing a mural of a Native American chief tied to a tree and about to be shot by a cannon) There are ten murals here in this hallway. This is called "The Trial of Chief Wamapo." It was painted in 1936 and this is Chief Wamapo. He was convicted of crimes against the soldiers. I'm always amazed at his .... quiet dignity right before he's killed by a cannonball.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: [on Mark] That dude has stuck it in some crazeee chicks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mark: [to Leslie] I'm going to say something and I don't want you to take it the wrong way ... but you are being a huge dork.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 2: "Canvassing"

Tom Haverford: You know, normally I don't agree with Leslie about anything, but this book is awesome.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Leslie Knope: When I was in sixth grade, I was voted best dressed by 87 votes. And there were only 63 people in my class.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie Knope: (Nervously) My mom's here.. My mom's here.. my mom's here..
(stares at the fire alarm)
Leslie Knope: No, I can't do that. That's illegal.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie Knope: I'm going to see my mom. She's a big mucky-muck in the county school system. She's my hero. How do I explain her? She's as repected as Mother Theresa; she's as powerful as Stalin and she's as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.
 • Rating: Unrated

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