Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice.

Ron

Also they called three hours ago, and said they approved the plans.

Ron

I wish my reign had lasted longer -- but I'm happy with the decisions I made, and the people I fired.

Craig

It's about time! We're losing the cranberry sauce, effective immediately!

Craig

I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.

Donna

All the sushi is made by fish, previously owned by celebrities.

Tom

The hound is a cologne I made that makes everything smell like wet dog.

Dennis Feinstein

PSYCH!

Dennis Feinstein
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Oh yeah, tiny rolled up scrolls delivered by foxes.

April

Was it Putin? Voldemort Putin? Of Russia?

Andy

How ever many waffles it takes to keep you in business.

Leslie

Treat yo' self -- in Beverly Hills!

Tom

Parks & Rec Quotes

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie