Do you want me to bite him?


I made a list of the things you love. Playing with our dog, staring contests, having sex with me - and so on. Then I lost the list.


You have to tell me because you legally bound yourself to me inmarriage!


Ron: Terry, what has Leslie been up to?
Terry: Oh getting ready for big press conference!
Ben: Terry come on!

It's f*cking milk.


Why? Was there something inside the stupid ball?


Ben: Please write it in cursive, it raises a lot of red fl-
Ron: No.

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Andy: That book sounded so boring I almost cried a little.
April: Aw babe I'm sorry you had to hear that, you're safe now.

Tom: Tom Haverford? That's nice, but I don't think we can consider me a celebrity.
Donna: That's your handwriting.

I prefer quality over flash - that's why I refuse to write my signature in cursive.


Ben: You're my friend.
April: No I'm not, I've never cared for you.

Oh, you know, just regionally directing the midwest whatever of who cares.


Parks & Rec Quotes

Ben: Newspaper headline was "Ice Town costs ice clown his town crown."
Leslie: Yuck.
Ben: They were big into rhymes.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!