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Jean-Ralphio: One time I waited outside a woman's house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants.
April: That's so cute.
Jean-Ralphio: Yeah, super cute.

I'm reading this, and I'm like, how could they hurt those gorillas like that? They're such gentle, magnificent creatures. You know, I'm an animal lover, I don't know.

Tom

I loved Andy. Loved him. Loved Andy. He was a totally helpless baby when we met. I dated him for three years. Now he's an adult with a job. And some other girl is going to reap the rewards of my hard work? That's [expletive].

Ann

Ann: Let me ask you something. I'm hot.
Andy: Is that a question?

Ladies. Is there anything you desire at all? Besides me?

Tom

What's a not-gay way to ask him to go camping with me?

Ron

Leslie: Well, but Chris said that you just had to, you know, tinker with things.
Ben: Yeah he said that because that sounds a lot better than, "We're going to gut it with a machete."

What exactly will you be cutting? And how much of it, and can I watch you do it while eating pork cracklings?

Ron

Chris is the most positive state budget auditing consultant I've ever met. I mean, I made eye contact with him and it was like staring into the sun.

Leslie

Jerry, we don't know that. Maybe these people are very helpful and pleasant and-aah! Death!

Leslie

Man, I should have yelled at you way more.

Mark

Tom says it's OK. That probably means it isn't OK.

Andy
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 31 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 22 Quotes

Call me a romantic, but I believe by the end of the night I will have between one and four new girlfriends.

Tom

Tom: Do not miss tonight's April Ludgate birthday bash. 9 o'clock p.m. At the world famous Snakehole Lounge. The place the Pawnee Journal has called, "The sexiest, most dangerous club in town."
Leslie: That's not what they wrote.
Tom: Fine. I added the word sexiest. But, we've hired better security.

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