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Parks-and-recreation

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare in the eye of Satan's butt hole?

Leslie: I want it to be a perfect park with state-of-the-art swing set and basketball courts and off to the side a lovely sitting area for kids with asthma to watch other kids play.
Tammy: Wow. If I had a park like that when I was growing up I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall slut phase.
Leslie: Well, that's... that's the goal, Tammy.

Yeah, just joined the rat race. Just chasing the cheese. Racing the rats. Trying to get the cheese. Enough technical business talk, you look ravishing.

Andy [to Ann]

Ma'am? Shoeshine? I won't look up your skirt.

Andy

Tammy: You have overdue book fees totaling three dollars, missy.
Leslie: That is so typical. I should have known you'd use a low blow dirty pool BS move like that. That's why everybody hates the library. Here, you know what? Here's your three dollars. And I'll see you in hell.

Leslie: I knew that you had two ex-wives named Tammy, so I was hoping that there was one you got along with and...
Ron: Nope. Hate 'em both.

On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.

Leslie: Does she have any weaknesses?
Ron: No.
Leslie: What do you mean no? Everybody has a weakness.
Ron: Not machines. I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone from the future to come back and destroy all happiness.

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