Yeah, just joined the rat race. Just chasing the cheese. Racing the rats. Trying to get the cheese. Enough technical business talk, you look ravishing.

Andy [to Ann]

Ma'am? Shoeshine? I won't look up your skirt.


Tammy: You have overdue book fees totaling three dollars, missy.
Leslie: That is so typical. I should have known you'd use a low blow dirty pool BS move like that. That's why everybody hates the library. Here, you know what? Here's your three dollars. And I'll see you in hell.

Leslie: I knew that you had two ex-wives named Tammy, so I was hoping that there was one you got along with and...
Ron: Nope. Hate 'em both.

On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.

Leslie: Does she have any weaknesses?
Ron: No.
Leslie: What do you mean no? Everybody has a weakness.
Ron: Not machines. I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone from the future to come back and destroy all happiness.

Leslie: Ron's ex-wife? That's terrific. Or is that awful? I mean he hates her, but he knows her. Everything's OK, or is it just the same?
Tom: Leslie, you're thinking out loud again.
Leslie: Am I? I am.

The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They're mean, conniving, rude and extremely well read, which makes them very dangerous.


Pawnee's library department is the most diabolical ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I've ever seen. They're like a biker gang. But instead of shotguns and crystal meth, they use political savvy... and shushing.


Leslie: April, stop that. Who are you texting?
April: You.
Leslie: Aww, she's texting me... I'm sorry you're bored.

Old Gus: Well I've been listening to your boring speeches for the last 50 years. And now it's time for you to listen to one of mine. You know a day like this makes a man reflect upon his life. And I've come to the conclusion that I've completely wasted mine. And just for the record, I never ever liked being called "Old Gus." I didn't understand it when I was in my 20s and I sure hate it now. So go to hell every single one of ya. Screw Pawnee, and screw your damn shoes!
Andy [laughing]: Oh, Gus. That's classic.

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 8 Quotes

I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to, 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.


Leslie: April, stop that. Who are you texting?
April: You.
Leslie: Aww, she's texting me... I'm sorry you're bored.