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Ncis

McGee: Gives a whole new meaning to fried hard-drive, huh?
(McGee chuckles, Abby stares at him)
Abby: How many times have you told that joke today?
McGee: None! (Abby gives him a look) Maybe once or twice.
Abby: Newsflash McGee, now is not the time for haha's, ok?
McGee: Sorry.

Gibbs: Yeah, Gibbs.
McGee: Hey boss, how's Tel Aviv?
Abby: Forget Tel Aviv, how's Tony? How's Ziva? Are they talking yet?
Gibbs: They're fine Abby.
Abby: I take that as a no. So how's Israel?

Ziva: Dead man is ICE.
Tony: That's cold.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the amazing Dr Donald 'Ducky' Mallard. The first and only M.E. under the big top.

Tony

Tony: Looks like someone dropped a cocktail weenie.
Ducky: I have a riddle for you; What is not food, but tastes very well. I'll give you a hint. And you should come up with an answer before Officer David, since it's right on the...
Tony: Tip of your tongue.

Ziva: He did not get out this way.
Yates: Not unless he could cross a lawn without bending a blade of grass.
Ziva: Well not impossible, with the proper training.

Gibbs: Rule number eleven, DiNozzo.
Tony: I would never date a coworker, Boss. Trust me. I mean, why would you even... That's twelve. Eleven... when the job is done, walk away.

Ziva: Are you jealous?
Tony: (he pauses) No. I'm worried. Because you don't seem to understand that your secret friend is interfering with this agency's ability to shut down a terrorist cell!
Ziva: Interfering? How is he interfering?
Tony: He's already killed two suspects.
Ziva: Well, in my country that would be cause for celebration.
Tony: You're not in your country and neither is he!

McGee: Tony, I am not arguing with you.
Tony: You are arguing now.
McGee: No I'm not!
Tony: Yes you are!
McGee: This is not an argument.
Tony: Yes it is.
McGee: No it's not!
Tony: It is

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