Palmer: It’s like watching John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors at Wimbledon.
Torres: That is the whitest thing I’ve ever heard.

First I’ve got Torres going swan, now I’ve got you going Mallard.


If you know, I need you to say it.


You made your choice. You don’t get to show up at my door now and pretend that you care.


I tried every which way to let you go, and I can’t.


I’ve got one with a swan, I’ve got one with a kid, I’ve got one with a plant.


The funny thing about hope. When she gets into your blood, she never leaves you.

Land Lady

Torres: Uh, Gibbs, my head is killing me.
Gibbs: How much did you have to drink last night?

Torres: How the hell did I get here?
Gibbs: You asking me?
Torres: I'm sure I don't even know where here is?
Gibbs: Apex Marina.
Torres: And what happened to me?
Gibbs: Are these rhetorical questions?

McGee: How many times did you try calling him?
Bishop: Thirteen, I just, I really hate paperwork.
McGee: No judgments.

Bishop: Hey, have you seen Torres?
McGee: Um, I'm doing fine. Thank you for asking.
Bishop: Oh, okay, McGee, I just saw you like eight hours ago. Do we really need to debrief every morning?
McGee: Well, I guess not.

Vance: Dr. Mallard, I'm sure you are aware that the FBI and CIA have agency historians whose purpose is to ensure that the collective knowledge of those institutions lives on for future generations.
Ducky: Yes, of course, but what has that to do with me? [reads sign] Donald Mallard, MD. NCIS Historian.

NCIS Season 16 Quotes

Gibbs: Rule 99.
Sloane: Never tells Gibbs he's being audited.
Torres: That's not a real thing.

Did you think I was organizing my receipts for fun? No, that's something dorks who build their own computers do.