NCIS

Tuesdays 8:00 PM on CBS
Ncis
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Tony: Are you flirting with me at a crime scene, Inspector?
Inspector Cheblis: No. Maybe, I don't know. Does it matter?
Tony: Your timing could be better.
Inspector: Maybe you're only uncomfortable because you're not used to being a witness.

Bishop: All we know for sure is that he went to college with Amanda Kendall. His murder could be a coincidence.
Gibbs: McGee.
McGee: Rule 39, Bishop.
Bishop: Right. No such thing as a coincidence. I knew that one.

Tony: And you're welcome, by the way.
Amanda: For what?
Tony: For saving your bony ass, Princess Leia.

Vance: If it were up to Admiral Kendall, he'd authorize Seal Team Six to exfil his daughter.
Gibbs: Well, one way to go.
Vance: I'm warming to the idea.

Tony: You know what I think? I think you're not some brain-dead little party girl. I think that all of this is an act. And I think you are some kind of spy, working for Amir and the Iranian government. Am I crazy?
Amanda: Half crazy, Tony. I am a spy. But Amir works for me, and I work for the same people you do.

Waters: You a Marine, Gibbs? This is one dumb jar-head covering for another.
Vance (to Gibbs via text): Tread lightly.

Major: You know what I think? This whole is just some inter-service rivalry.
Vance: You're wrong there, Major. NCIS is a civilian agency. We don't report to anyone in uniform. We will follow every possible lead, wherever it may take us. Get Waters over here, or we'll drag him in in handcuffs.

McGee: Aaah! God! What is that?
Christopher: Certified purified organic cat urine and body odor.

McGee: I'm not spending the night out here, Tony. I'm cold and I'm starving.
Tony: I'd say stop by the car, there's a slice of pizza left but we can't blow your cover, man.
McGee: I've been out here for hours and I've gotten nowhere. No one's seen him for days. They think he moved on.
Tony: Don't give up. Boy it's pretty toasty in this car.

Abby: Wish I could have done more to help him.
McGee: Abby you can't solve everyone's problems. Some people have demons they have to overcome.

Gibbs: The VA's got a lot of programs for vets, Doc. I wonder why Durbin was living on the streets.
Ducky: I recently read a HUD report. It estimates on any given night, between fifty and sixty thousand men and women who have served, are sleeping on the streets or in shelters.

Bishop: Lorin Davis, you are under arrest for the murder of Staff Sergeant Martin Roe.
Gibbs: And when we're through with you the FBI wants to talk about the theft and sale of human organs.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 714 in total

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Tony: You know the "Men" in "Men's Room" is more of a rule than a suggestion, probie.
Bishop: Look, you two always get to go off giggling to the urinal together and I always get left out. So we're going to talk and we're going to do it here.