I can't believe I called the POTUS a wise-ass

Tony

Moore: I gotta ask you something.
Gibbs: No she's not married. She's not dating anybody.
Moore: How'd you know I--
Gibbs: A wild guess.

Vance: A week ago I go in for a physical, feeling fine. Now they want to run more tests.
Gibbs: Yeah? What's wrong?
Vance: The chest x-ray showed that there's spots on my lungs.
Gibbs: What's your doctor say about that?
Vance: He's waiting for the results of the CAT scan that I'm taking tomorrow. I'll know more then.
Gibbs: He give a guess?
Vance: Lymphoma. Advance stage. I'm scared, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Yeah. Anybody would be.

Tony: If you think about it, science is amazing. I mean video phone sex. You and Jake ever---
Bishop: Wow. You have no boundaries.
Tony: Come on, I'm messing with you.
Bishop: Did you miss the sexual harassment seminar?
Tony: Every year.

Hair tie. Women with long hair use them. I keep them everywhere. My house, car, desks throughout the office. I mean I'm constantly losing them. Wallace's wife has short hair, she wouldn't need them.

Bishop
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Vance: Surgeon didn't pull any punches. He asked me if I had my life in order.
Ducky: And do you?
Vance: No. Since Jackie's death I haven't been able to focus. I haven't redone my will, nor have I made any provision for the care of my children.

Francis: Can I ask you a question, Bishop?
Bishop: Sure.
Francis: You enjoy working for Gibbs? I mean I heard he's tough. A real hard-ass. He's standing right behind me, isn't he?
Bishop: Yeah.

Pavlenko: I will request immediately that search planes are dispatched for recovery.
Vance: Not recovery. Rescue.

Tony: Did he really just say "sit tight"?
Vance: No one's sitting tight. Let's move.

Vance: For diplomatic reasons, SecNav says we have to give the Russians first crack at search and rescue.
Bishop: So our friends are out there and they're worrying about saving face?

Gibbs: Banks? Banks? Talk to me Banks.
Banks: Hannah.
Gibbs: Hannah. Where you from Hannah? What hometown?
Banks: I tried to steer clear, Gibbs. Couldn't shake it.
Gibbs: Hey you are one hell of a pilot.

Vance: I'd go with the cat.
Abby: Yes, most of us would, but WMD.
Tony: WMD?
Abby: What would McGee do?
Tony: That's two Ws, Abs.
Abby: Whatever.

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NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee