Franks: All the sawbones in the world...and you get Chuckles the Clown. I'll be this guy's a hoot at parties.
Gibbs: Shut up, Mike.

Forget the bourbon you tough son of a bitch. Make mine a fifteen year old single malt.


Budd: Come to make the day more exciting, have you?
Tony: Oh yeah. Shooting you in the chest at close range, and a little dim sum...perfect day.
Budd: Well. By all means.

You know, I'd like to shake the hand of whomever invented the exploding bullet. And then shoot him.


McGee: Gibbs was shot.
Ducky: Shot?
McGee: Twice. Point blank range. Luke Harris.

Rousseau: Look at you, brimming with confidence. But who is the one needing answers? We're calling the shots.
Gibbs [stabs Rousseau in the hand with a pen]: No more playing. My rules. My game.
Rousseau: The game is changing.
Gibbs: Oh yeah. You bet it is.

Time to dance, Agent Gibbs. Mind if I lead?


Kelly: That was a good day.
Gibbs: We had a lot of them.
Kelly: Not any more. You don't have good days now. You spend too much time thinking about the past.
Gibbs: Plenty to think about.
Kelly: You have to stop, dad. Things are different. It's about the future now. There are too many people counting on you.

Tony: They're working on him now. I'm going to stay here until he's out of surgery.
Vance: No you're not. The best thing you can for Gibbs now is your job.
Tony: Director--
Vance: If The Calling is still operating in Iraq, you need to get back there while the trail's still hot.
Tony: Look sir. No one wants Daniel Budd stopped more than I do...
Vance: Then we don't stop, DiNozzo, until The Calling's dismantled and this psychopath is either captured or dead. We owe Gibbs that much. Are. We. Clear?
Tony: We're clear.

Vance: Apparently your walk included a visit with Matthew Rousseau. Would you mind telling me why?
Gibbs: Just following up.
Vance: With your pen stuck in his hand?
Gibbs: Is that where I left it?

Taft: My wife and I lost our son two years ago. Leukemia. If I wasn't back at it, I'd be nowhere. Literally.
Gibbs: Well I'm glad you're back at it.
Taft: Are you?
Gibbs: What does that mean?
Taft: Just a feeling I get. You see, I have two kinds of patients. Those who revere me for saving their lives. And those who despise me for the same reason. Which one are you, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Things are changing. Can't do it alone.
Taft: I've met your team. Who says you're alone?

Vance: You're here on administrative duty. With DiNozzo away, I figure McGee and Bishop would appreciate your support. In the office, not in the field.
Gibbs: Look. Leon I'm not going try and sit here and tell you I'm 100%...but chaining me to a desk?
Vance: You can take it, or go home.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.