Ryan Smith: What is this, self-help karaoke?
Jimmy: Honestly, I’ve got a million of these. I can do this all night long!

We all gonna fit on the ledge and hold hands? You wanna help Palmer, do your jobs!

Gibbs

With that very healthy sense of self-preservation, I’m gonna ask you to stay alive so that we can both die like heroes a very long time from now when we’re old and gray, alright?

Jimmy

Ducky: Forgive me, Mr. Palmer, but I can’t resist the urge to give you one of my all-time favorite pieces of advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Quinn: Do you believe in miracles?
Gibbs: No.
Quinn: Do you believe in Abby?
Gibbs: With all my heart!

Quinn [about a formerly broken plate]: How’d you get rid of the crack?
Abby [innocently]: Crack? What crack?

Why would you name a bull “Robert”?

McGee [asking the important question]

I’ve got three grandchildren! Two, I even like.

Fred

Nothing unusual in the basement. Just a boat.

Quinn

Agent from England, the one who looks like a sculpture?

Qasim [describing Reeves]

Bishop, I’ve been listening to you for the last ten minutes, and I *still* don’t know what you’re saying.

Gibbs

Bishop: I just don’t know how to say goodbye to him.
Reeves: Maybe you could close your eyes, and remember everything good.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott