Gibbs: New phone?
Fornell: I am no longer a Luddite.
Gibbs: Since when?
Fornell: Since now. I still respect your beliefs, Gibbs, but they are no longer my own.

Gibbs: Okay. [laughs] Who is she? [Shuts down elevator] The phone. The plans. Are you dating again, Tobias?
Fornell: Okay. And if I am?
Gibbs: Just tell me.
Fornell: Okay. My sex life--
Gibbs: Oh God, just -- [turns elevator back on]

Vance: You have a cell phone jammer.
Scott: You're quick. That'll help. Now drive. Think of your children.

Vance: What was the operation in '02?
Bishop: Juniper Strike.
Vance: And?
Bishop: We only know as much as this top sheet says. While the list wasn't classified, the operation it refers to is, and since it's a joint operation, we'll need clearance from British SAS.
Vance: Gibbs?
Gibbs: I'd rather not wait, director.
Vance: Me neither. Go.
Bishop: Just to be clear, you want us to hack into the case files.
Vance: [nods]

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McGee: I figured it out.
Tony: Where the bad guys are hiding?
McGee: No, your apartment. The giveaway was the fact that Gibbs, Fornell and Abby knew about it. So I figured it was case related.
Tony: Good guess, Inspector Clouseau.
McGee: Not a guess. Your apartment was the scene of a triple homicide.
Tony: Amazing what a good paint job will do. Previous owners hacked up the body with an electric carving knife.

McGee: You know, the fact that so much time has passed now, you don't even have to disclose those deaths when you sell.
Tony: Wait, is that true?

Gibbs: How many have you got?
Fornell: None.
Gibbs: Doesn't sound like it.
Fornell: Well. I can't get it up.
Gibbs: Aw geeze.....
Fornell: No. The nerve. I can't get up the nerve to go out with them. I should start this all again.
Gibbs: Please. Don't.

Vance: What the hell was that?
Tony: I don't know. I usually only have that effect on women.

McGee: Good morning, Ellie.
Bishop: Good morning, Tim.

Bishop: Here we go. A homeless guy. Doesn't really look like Tony.
McGee: Give him a few years.

Actually she told me that I'd get to play a government agent, you know, like Jason Bourne. Instead of course I get Jason Boring.

Tiny Tony

Tony: How long have I been working for NCIS?
Tiny Tony: Long enough that you should be making better money. Wait for it...wait for it....yup. You're pathetic.
Tall Tony: I'm not even that good at memorizing lines, but you were easy. You have no life.
Tiny Tony: It's true. No wife, no kids, no hobbies. Same job, same apartment. Nothing changes with you.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.