Ah, so you got a Marine transport to be your own personal Uber!

Sloane

Bishop: I see you, McGee. Everything okay?
McGee: No. No, it’s not, because *you* decided to take over a Metro case on December 22! That is, let’s see, one, two, *three* days before Christmas!
Bishop: I had plans, too.
McGee: With twin newborn cherubs?!

Senator Phillips: This is a Marine-occupied airbase. You sleep with a gun under your pillow?
Torres: It’s the desert. You know, scorpions.

Chet Goodman: Generals. Always sending someone else to fight your battles.
Senator Phillips: When I’m fighting, you’ll know!
Chet Goodman: All due respect, this is a goodwill tour! You take your security detail and go back to shaking hands. Let me handle the jokes.
Senator Phillips: Well, I would, except the Geneva Conventions make torture illegal!

McGee [on baby names]: For the boy, we’ve got it narrowed down to Indiana, Han, or Harrison.
Reeves: Oh, gosh. Poor kid!

I keep forgetting you’re really good at what you do!

Sloane [to Gibbs]

Abby [about McGee]: He’s not all that involved, so…
Delilah: Just right in the middle of it.
Abby: Like, directly in the middle of it, yes.

Torres: Oh, great. Now Metro PD sends the crime scene surveillance? Little late for that.
Reeves: Is it?
Torres: Seriously? There could be a bomb downstairs and you’re worried about a crime scene.
Reeves: All right, let’s just stand here waiting for the lift to open patiently, shall we?

Torres: It’s a bomb, right?
Reeves: Well, it’s gotta be. It’s a brick of C-4! Or clay, maybe.
Torres: Clay?! Why would it be clay?! With six wires and a mortar and clay?
Reeves: I don’t know, then it’s C-4! Shouldn’t there be a timer? There’s always a timer in the movies!
Torres: There’s no timer, but it’s definitely ticking.
Reeves: It’s absolutely ticking.
Torres: So what now?
Reeves: I don’t know, call the bomb squad?
Torres: What if there’s no time?
Reeves: How would you know if there’s no time?!

You’re speaking to someone who believes in God, who believes in the immortal soul, and whose third favorite movie is “Ghost.”

Abby

Oh, Boss, don’t tell me Delilah’s sending you baby names, too!

McGee

Gibbs: You ever see this guy before?
Amber: It’s hard to tell with the maggots crawling out of his eyeballs, but no.

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.