Sometimes, homeless is an upgrade.

Reeves

The more you know, the less you understand.

Gibbs [on being told about memes]

We’re all as sick as our secrets, Clay, and we all need someone to talk to. Even you.

Bishop

When it comes to stupidity, I would not underestimate this guy.

Abby

Reeves: Who’s Tony?
Gibbs: An old friend.
Reeves: You’re friends with the bass player from Flock of Seagulls?

Smitty [caught committing a crime]: I was just, uh…
Torres: What? Sleepwalking?

Awkward silences make me uncomfortable, so I’m just gonna keep on talking!

Jimmy

Are those your house keys she just gave you?

McGee

Sloane: You’re gonna leave a complete stranger alone in your house.
Gibbs: Yes.
Sloane: I could rob you blind.
Gibbs: Lock up when you’re done.

Sloane: Ah, I can see you’re a glass half full kind of guy!
Gibbs: Depends. What’s in the glass?

Jimmy: Oh! Am I interrupting?
Gibbs: Nope. You’re right on time.
Jimmy: That’s unusual.

So, were you crooked? Or just bad at your job?

Torres

NCIS Quotes

Gibbs: Tobias? What the hell’s going on?
Fornell: What’s going on? You got me fired!

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott