Wow, duplicitous backstabbers on Capitol Hill? Who’da thunk it?

Vance

The world isn’t all zeros and ones. You can’t reduce love to a binary code.

Qasim

Bishop: I’m not afraid of Gibbs.
Reeves: Well, actually, *I’m* afraid of him.

Reeves: I found Chen’s courier.
Bishop: So... you... jumped in your Winnebago to come tell me?
Reeves: No! I jumped in *his*.

Just makin’ sure you were paying attention…

Gibbs [on pickpocketing Torres]

See, you have *fought* terror. Who better to create it?

Earl Goddard

Abby: Is this an order?
Vance: Yes! Go be a bad guy!

What the hell! Your *fake* bomb just made a *real* explosion!

Cop

Abby: This is my nightmare! The only thing missing is Vance riding in on demon wings to fire me!
Torres: Well, that makes sense.
Abby: I usually wake up when his mustache turns into a snake.

Torres: Are these suits really necessary?
Gibbs: Yes.
Ducky: Unless you want to risk instantaneous death due to sarin.
Torres: These suits are awesome.

Well, you say ‘tomato,’ I say ‘terrorist.’

Torres

Reeves: We spoke to your wife. She said you were at the office all night.
Gibbs: No nookie!

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott