Abby: Death by cookies.
McGee: Cookies.
Abby: Yes. Frosted almond cookies, with little almond bits and some poison mixed in.

Postal Worker: Oh, we’re closed!
Torres: Oh, we’re federal agents!

Whit Dexter: Gentlemen! You’ve got three minutes before I’m back from commercials. My secretary says you’re with CSI?
Torres: NCIS.
Whit Dexter: Whatever.

Reeves: You got shot.
Triff: It’s still not the worst vacation I’ve ever had.

Triff: I’m a vegetarian.
McGee: Are you kidding?! You used to be a furrier!
Triff: Wearing animals isn’t the same as eating them!

He just found out he’s going to bunk with a serial killer. There’s no sympathy card for that.

Clayton Reeves [about McGee]

Sloane: Well-adjusted individuals do not butcher people in their living rooms.
McGee: Or stare at people like they want to eat their face.
Sloane: Triff’s not a cannibal.
McGee: *Yet.* But if he branches out, I don’t want to be his guinea pig.

Gibbs: McGee, go see Triff. Find out what he knows.
McGee: Me? Boss, you sure *you* don’t want to talk to him instead?
Gibbs: You know him better than I do!
McGee: ...Anyone wanna trade?
Torres: Oh, I have to look at my screen and stuff.
Bishop: I got a thing.

Bishop: The inmate Jessica Schaeffer met with was Paul Triff.
Torres: What?! Hold on! As in the guy who carved up three bodies with an electric knife in McGee’s apartment and buried a mummified body under the floor? *That* Paul Triff?

Fornell: How the hell does he know I’m in here?
Sloane: He can probably hear you grinding your teeth.

Gibbs: Side door was open.
Fornell: After you picked the lock?

Couples therapy is not in my job description.

Vance [regarding Gibbs and Fornell]

NCIS Quotes

‘You think you’re alone in the dark. Close your eyes. Remember everything good.’ My mom said that to me just before she died. Smart lady.

Gibbs

Palmer: I take it you heard?
Gibbs: Mmm hmm.
Palmer: Yeah, she saw the baby and just....I guess she felt the same way we felt when we first saw him. Can't fault her for that, right?
Gibbs: You should go home.
Palmer: I will. Yeah Breena and I, we just wanted to get all this stuff out of the house. You know, we wanted to give it back as soon as possible.
Gibbs: We.
Palmer: Me. She's hurting too, but she is so much stronger. She's ready to try again. And me - I feel like I can't breathe. I never felt this bad in my life, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Well, just wait until it's 3:00 in the morning, and your kid's running 104. You're just getting started.
Palmer: That's the point. I'm not starting, you know? Maybe I never will.
Gibbs: Well then fight for it, Palmer! That's what you do. You fight for your family. And sometimes, you fight like hell just to have one.
Palmer: You want me to fight, I feel like I just went ten rounds with Joe Louis.
Gibbs: Do you want to be a dad, Palmer? Because right now, this is being a dad.
Palmer: Maybe I'm not ready.
Gibbs: You wouldn't feel the way you feel, right now, if you weren't ready.