Vance: What was the operation in '02?
Bishop: Juniper Strike.
Vance: And?
Bishop: We only know as much as this top sheet says. While the list wasn't classified, the operation it refers to is, and since it's a joint operation, we'll need clearance from British SAS.
Vance: Gibbs?
Gibbs: I'd rather not wait, director.
Vance: Me neither. Go.
Bishop: Just to be clear, you want us to hack into the case files.
Vance: [nods]

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McGee: I figured it out.
Tony: Where the bad guys are hiding?
McGee: No, your apartment. The giveaway was the fact that Gibbs, Fornell and Abby knew about it. So I figured it was case related.
Tony: Good guess, Inspector Clouseau.
McGee: Not a guess. Your apartment was the scene of a triple homicide.
Tony: Amazing what a good paint job will do. Previous owners hacked up the body with an electric carving knife.

McGee: You know, the fact that so much time has passed now, you don't even have to disclose those deaths when you sell.
Tony: Wait, is that true?

Gibbs: How many have you got?
Fornell: None.
Gibbs: Doesn't sound like it.
Fornell: Well. I can't get it up.
Gibbs: Aw geeze.....
Fornell: No. The nerve. I can't get up the nerve to go out with them. I should start this all again.
Gibbs: Please. Don't.

Vance: What the hell was that?
Tony: I don't know. I usually only have that effect on women.

McGee: Good morning, Ellie.
Bishop: Good morning, Tim.

Bishop: Here we go. A homeless guy. Doesn't really look like Tony.
McGee: Give him a few years.

Actually she told me that I'd get to play a government agent, you know, like Jason Bourne. Instead of course I get Jason Boring.

Tiny Tony

Tony: How long have I been working for NCIS?
Tiny Tony: Long enough that you should be making better money. Wait for it...wait for it....yup. You're pathetic.
Tall Tony: I'm not even that good at memorizing lines, but you were easy. You have no life.
Tiny Tony: It's true. No wife, no kids, no hobbies. Same job, same apartment. Nothing changes with you.

Did you happen to catch her name, DiNozzo, or is that not the way dates work anymore?

Gibbs

Gibbs: How did you meet her the first time?
Tony: I met her in a bar.
Gibbs: Let me guess. She approached you.
Tony: They usually do, but...I was a target.
Gibbs: An easy one!

I mean I get swindled by a bimbo, I've got Laurel and Hardy impersonating me. What about the third guy? Is he a buffoon? Is that who I am?

Tony

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.