Fornell: How the hell does he know I’m in here?
Sloane: He can probably hear you grinding your teeth.

Gibbs: Side door was open.
Fornell: After you picked the lock?

Couples therapy is not in my job description.

Vance [regarding Gibbs and Fornell]

Gibbs: Tobias, stay!
Fornell: I’m not your poodle, Gibbs!

McGee, you’re like this giant hamster on this giant guilt wheel! You have to get off of it!

Abby

Gibbs [enters in a hurry]: He’s right behind me, and you gotta say no!
Vance [confused]: Say no to what?
Fornell [enters leisurely]: Director! It’s good to see you.

Gibbs: Tobias? What the hell’s going on?
Fornell: What’s going on? You got me fired!

Vance: Sometimes I like to *eat* my meal, not *sip* it.
Kayla: Diner food isn’t a meal!

Kayla: I made a mistake.
Vance: No, a mistake is when you step on the accelerator instead of the brakes. You made a--
Both: Bad choice.

So, my little girl is a thief. Not a good look for the head of a federal agency.

Vance

Maya: Can we do this [questioning] after practice?
Torres: We don’t make appointments.

Welcome to the uncomfortable room with the one-way mirror.

Gibbs

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.