Suffice to say, knowing that my mother spent the last years of her life head over heels in love is the best Christmas present I could possibly have!Ducky
Takumi Rin [on his affair with Ducky's mother]: We became an item in the '90s. But Bubbles made me swear to never, ever say anything to Donnie!
Ducky [baffled]: "Bubbles"?
America?! Where they mix bacon... with syrup?!Victoria Mallard
Balthazar Kilmeany: Your mother's got quite a set of lungs on her.
Young Ducky: I *will* throw up on you.
Quinn: I mean, maybe it's a coincidence. [McGee and Gibbs give her a look.] Oh, oh, no. Nope. Rule 69. "No coincidences."
McGee: No, actually Number 69 is "Never trust a woman who doesn't trust her man."
Quinn: Huh? Wait, what?! Really? That... sounds a little misogynistic, don't you think? Huh? I mean, do you have a rule that says "Never trust a man who doesn't trust his woman"? Think about it! Huh? No? Think about it! Rule 51!
McGee [to Gibbs]: "Sometimes you're wrong"! [Gibbs smacks the back of McGee's head.]
Emily [regarding having a boyfriend]: And how old you need to be?
Fornell: A year older than you are, and every year it goes up by one!
Fornell: Hey, Gibbs! You gotta come over here and push down on my pelvis!
Gibbs: I'm gonna pass on that.
Fornell: What on earth are you doing?!
Emily: Me? What are *you* doing, Dad?
Fornell: I *was* sleeping!
Emily: I noticed. Still on Uncle Gibbs's couch for some reason.
Fornell: You nearly scared me to death. And "Uncle Gibbs" is probably upstairs loading his bazooka as we speak!
Gibbs [calmly eating cereal]: Nope. I'm good.
This is exactly how zombie movies start.Torres [entering an empty lab]
Abby: They're Navy rats.
Reeves: Officers or enlisted?
This is a literal gutless rat!Jimmy Palmer
Flemming: Director, it's *my* life.
Vance: And we're gonna protect it. [beat] You're welcome!