Bishop: What is it you expect me to do? Take down a whole village of insurgents on my own? That's not me. I'm an analyst.
Gibbs: I thought you were a field agent.
Bishop: Gibbs, whatever lesson you're trying to teach me is going to get Qasim and Corporal Collins killed. My job is in there, not out there.
Gibbs: Your job, Bishop, is to do what I tell you to do. You can do this.
Bishop: Don't put me in a position I'm not trained for.
Gibbs: Training's not the problem - you are. I told you, I got your back. Stop hiding behind things that are familiar, Bishop. You're better than that. The answers you want, Bishop - they're out there.

Qasim: Agent Gibbs, please pass along my gratitude to the other agents for capturing Landis' killer.
Gibbs: I'm not your messenger. Do it yourself. Come on - chop chop. Let's go. Hustle up.
Qasim: I don't understand.
Bishop: We put a call into the Secretary of the Navy. It took some convincing but after reading over fifty U.S. Marine statements on your behalf, she endorsed your special immigrant visa application. You're coming with us.
Qasim: To the United States to live?
Gibbs: Don't go getting all excited just yet.
Bishop: You'll be required to work at a translation post in D.C. while your visa's being processed. It's not negotiable.
Qasim: Where will I be found?
Gibbs: NCIS
Qasim: I believe I can manage that.

Bishop: Hi Mr. DiNozzo!
Tony Senior: Eleanor! If I was thirty years younger and you weren't married...oh my God.

Zoe: Should I go home, change first?
Tony: I see no reason to do that. I think you look exquisite.
Zoe: Thank you. I just want everything to go perfectly. To tell you the truth I'm a nervous wreck. I think I've seen Meet the Parents way too many times.
Tony: Well I can assure you my father is nothing like Robert DeNiro.
Gibbs: Come on, come on. Get to work.
Tony: Gibbs on the other hand...

Tony: I've been doing this a little longer than you and I know one thing: we've got to put pressure on them. Trust me.
Zoe: You know, I hate it when someone says "trust me". I immediately don't.
Tony: Are we having our first argument?

Senior: Such an ambitious undertaking by the father, you'd think that the son would show some appreciation.
Tony: I appreciate what you did to my kitchen!
Zoe: You know, I think I should just leave.
Tony: No no no no no no. Don't leave me with Wreck-It Ralph.
Zoe: We can just re-schedule.
Tony: No. Please, Zoe. I told you I wasn't exaggerating. This always happens. Thank God he lives in New York.

Tony: I don't know what I was thinking. I should have never suggested working with Keates. That was not a good idea. I would like to invoke Rule #12: never date a co-worker.

Zoe: You've got to get your lies straight, DiNozzo.
Tony: DiNozzo. You've never gone surname on me before.
Zoe: You've never gone liar on me.

McGee: You guys tell Gibbs where you're going?
Tony: Well I'm senior agent and you're Mcnot. I can take the initiative.

Look at him down there. McGee in the role of black market gun buyer. It's the worst casting since Kevin Costner in Robin Hood.

Tony

Tony: Oh dad. We gotta talk.
Senior: Me first. I don't know what I was thinking. Of course I know what I was thinking. I was thinking about myself, because I'm selfish.
Tony: Dad--
Senior: Junior, listen. It's taken too long for me to realize that you have to live your own life. I want to be near you. And I'm going to be. But not in your building. You need your space.
Tony: I'd like to disagree with you. But I'm not going to, because you're right. Thanks.

McGee: Okay you're telling me that Ziva knew too?
Vance: Agent McGee, your ego is not the subject of this briefing.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.