Sloane: You’re gonna leave a complete stranger alone in your house.
Gibbs: Yes.
Sloane: I could rob you blind.
Gibbs: Lock up when you’re done.

Sloane: Ah, I can see you’re a glass half full kind of guy!
Gibbs: Depends. What’s in the glass?

Jimmy: Oh! Am I interrupting?
Gibbs: Nope. You’re right on time.
Jimmy: That’s unusual.

So, were you crooked? Or just bad at your job?

Torres

Sportelli: Ever wish you weren’t the boss, Gibbs? I thought I was getting a promotion. Instead I got everyone else’s problems.
Gibbs: Our job’s to fix ‘em.
Sportelli: Exactly. But what if we can’t?

If you listen, the dead *will* speak.

Ducky

Bishop [on a missing detective seen meeting a woman]: Is that… a booty call?!
Torres: Y’know, I could almost forgive that…

Hey, Jimmy. Did I miss ‘Bring Your Pallet to Work’ Day?

McGee

Look at that! It’s not just a pen, it’s a Frisbee!

Torres

Well, some things never change. I’m nursing a hangover, and you’re studying

Cadence Darwin [to Ducky]

Grace Confalone: Director Vance needs mandatory psych evals from each of you. I assume you would prefer sooner rather than later.
Gibbs: Uh, tell you what I’d prefer…
Grace Confalone: A root canal. I know! What say we skip our usual dance?
Gibbs: I was going to say ‘this afternoon.’

Torres: Y’all remember burying that one?
Phil: You’re kidding, right? You remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?
Torres: Meatball gyro.
Phil: Dang. Maybe *you* should work here!

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.