Chief Choi: Jones’s body, it’s gone!
Jimmy Palmer: This’ll complicate the autopsy

Jimmy Palmer: We just traveled about three hundred miles in 90 minutes!
Gibbs: Felt a lot longer to me!

Tagger: [spraypaints ‘FU’ on a sign, then hears a horse. He turns around to see a mounted police officer.]
Sgt. Dawson: Let me guess -- ‘FUN’? You like this place so much you just had to tell the world. I get it, I like it here, too!
Tagger: [runs away]

McGee: There’s an entire American sub-culture devoted to bone collecting.
Bishop: How do you know that?
Gibbs: He dated Abby!

Torres: Horses are not dogs, man.
Sgt. Dawson: You don’t miss a thing!

Nelson: My carbon footprint is very low.
Gibbs: Aside from smoking like a chimney.
Nelson: That’s the only reason I got busted.
McGee: You lit up in a public place, it’s against the law.
Nelson: Apparently, horses can smell prime kush for miles!

Gibbs: That’s a new lock!
Sgt. Dawson: About as secure as a screen door on a submarine.

Reeves: He liked me? The man said two things to me -- ‘Hello’ and then ‘Get out of the room.’ I’m pretty sure he thought I was the butler!
Torres: So did I, at first! Reeves, Jeeves. So confusing.
Reeves: That’s funny. I can also think of something that rhymes with 'Nick'!
Torres: 'Slick'?
Reeves: Try again!

So this is what it’ll be like when Abby gets a wax figure at Madame Tussauds!

Bishop

You and I know that life is a near-death experience.

Ducky

You did the wrong thing for the right reasons. Never do that again.

Gibbs

I can’t help unless you help yourself. Time to tear off that band-aid.

Gibbs

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.