Ducky: My mind has been scattered with grandfatherly worries.
Gibbs: Grandfather?
Ducky: Mr. Palmer has declared when the child is of speaking age, she will call me "Grand-Ducky".

Bishop: So why did Linda leave him?
Tony: She probably got clued into his line of work.
Bishop: I thought he was a businessman.
Tony: Ha.
McGee: Well he calls himself an entrepreneur. But he's kind of more like a head-hunter who finds rich people, by--
Tony: It's okay Tim, you can say it. My dad is a con man.
Bishop: What? But he's so---
Tony: Handsome? Charismatic? Right place, right time? Exactly.

McGee: You know, maybe you should give him an activity. It'll occupy his mind. Pretend like nothing's wrong?
Bishop: Like you do for Tony when he's depressed?
McGee: Yeah.
Tony: You do?
McGee: Oh yeah. When Ziva stayed in Israel?
Tony: Oh yeah. You asked me to help me replace that Tron wallpaper in your bedroom with the new Star Wars stuff.
McGee: Worked like a charm.

Gibbs: Give him an activity. McGee does it for you.
Senior: Junior. You there?
Tony: Hey dad. Listen we'll work on that paper thing but I really need you to do something for me.
Senior: You do?
Tony: Yeah. I need you to re-caulk my tub.
Senior: You mean like a handy-man kind of thing?
Tony: Yeah that's it. Sort of an emergency, I heard it on the news. There's a recall on the caulking I used.
Senior: You're kidding!
Tony: No, no. Causes athlete's foot. Nasty. I know you've got a lot on your mind--
Senior: Oh that's all right. I'll be fine. I can handle it.
Tony: Well thanks a million, dad.
Senior: See you son.
Gibbs: Works like a charm.

Senior: You know the idea of Linda and I getting married, I felt it made Junior really proud.
McGee: Yeah it did.
Senior: Ever since he was born, I've been chasing this moment where I walk into a room and he announces me with his head held high. I just can't seem to earn it. I really miss Linda.
McGee: You know, maybe you could try promising her that you know, that you won't do it anymore.
Senior: Won't do what?
McGee: The questionable stuff.
Senior: Questionable stuff?
McGee: Well yeah, I mean you know -- the conning stuff.
Senior: Conning? Linda thinks that I'm conning somebody?
McGee: No. I don't know. Tony said that Linda might have left because of your conning.
Senior: She left because she met an architect with fancy glasses who bought her a ticket to Acapulco. Is that what Junior tells people? That I'm a con artist?
McGee: I'm sorry. I should get back to the office. Sorry.

Gibbs: You know I've got a friend. He paid his dad's hotel bill once, because his dad couldn't cover it. And I said to my friend, I said "why'd you do that? Your dad never did anything for you". The look on his face. Never seen anything like it. There was more love on his face than I ever saw. I guess that his dad meant more to him than he knew.
Aziz: What does that have to do with anything?

Senior: I need to tell you something.
Tony: Oh, you don't need to say anything.
Senior: Look. I've done a lot of things in my life. I've pretended to be better than I am. I've dealt with some pretty shady folks, but son -- I am not a con artist. I am an entrepreneur. The difference between an entrepreneur and a con artist is that an entrepreneur believes in the dreams he's selling. Whether my deals fell through or not, I believed in what I was selling. There. That's the look that Gibbs was talking about.

You have arrived at your final destination.

GPS

If a dead dude's shed explodes in the woods and there's no one around to hear it, did it make a sound?

Tony

McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.

Clark: I knew you looked familiar. Remember those blue eyes from the photo i.d.s I whipped up. I used to keep the undercover persona as close as possible to the agent adopting it. That's why Speers was a former Marine from Stillwater Pennsylvania.
Bishop: How do you remember that?
Clark: They were my creations. Does an artist forget the details of her paintings? I certainly hope not.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

Well tie me up and call me Loretta.

Fornell