That’s right, cowboy! Your gut is so famous, people bow down to it all the way to California!

Sloane [to Gibbs]

You expose this witness, it ends me. My career… Emily… God, Emily. But it’s bigger than that. If you expose Mary Smith, a murderer walks.

Fornell

Gibbs: Lawyer’s calling me to the stand. If I tell the truth, a man would lose everything. This man… known him a long time. Has a daughter.
Sloane: He’s your friend. Mm. And if you lie to protect your friend, you could be re-sentencing an innocent man to death.
Gibbs: Yeah.
Sloane: That is quite a conundrum, isn’t it? So, what do you think of my cabinet?
Gibbs: I think you’re trying to distract me with a handcrafted piece of furniture.
Sloane: And why would I do that?
Gibbs: Because you don’t know the answers any more than me.
Sloane: You’re right. It *is* handmade.

I’ve been carrying this around so long, I didn’t know the right thing anymore. But I knew you would.

Fornell

Abby: You… you don’t know what I think!
Sloane: You betcha, I don’t.

Your dork machine is ready for action.

Torres [regarding a ham radio]

Reeves: What a load of bollocks.
Doctor Cho [confused]: What?
Gibbs: Cut the crap, Doc.

Hug on your own time!

Gibbs

Sloane: He’s 45, chubby, and lives with his mother.
McGee: You can tell all that?!
Sloane: No. Profiling doesn’t work that way.

Sometimes, homeless is an upgrade.

Reeves

The more you know, the less you understand.

Gibbs [on being told about memes]

We’re all as sick as our secrets, Clay, and we all need someone to talk to. Even you.

Bishop

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott