Abby: Is this an order?
Vance: Yes! Go be a bad guy!

What the hell! Your *fake* bomb just made a *real* explosion!

Cop

Abby: This is my nightmare! The only thing missing is Vance riding in on demon wings to fire me!
Torres: Well, that makes sense.
Abby: I usually wake up when his mustache turns into a snake.

Torres: Are these suits really necessary?
Gibbs: Yes.
Ducky: Unless you want to risk instantaneous death due to sarin.
Torres: These suits are awesome.

Well, you say ‘tomato,’ I say ‘terrorist.’

Torres

Reeves: We spoke to your wife. She said you were at the office all night.
Gibbs: No nookie!

DiNozzo Senior [in the bath with Judith]: Gibbs! Forgive me for not getting up…
Judith McKnight: Oh, trust me, he’s *already* up.

Michael Kettering: You told her I was married?!
Quinn: How could *you* not tell her?!

DiNozzo Senior: It’s about Judith. Your ex-lover.
Gibbs [chokes]: My what?!

Don’t dance around it! Agent Bishop is saying this ship is full of seamen!

Judith McKnight

Bishop: Gibbs, where are you going?
Gibbs: Overboard!

Toilet, freezer, mattress. The go-to spots.

Walt Osorio

NCIS Quotes

Wow, duplicitous backstabbers on Capitol Hill? Who’da thunk it?

Vance

There’s gotta be an expiration on the creepy factor! Besides, it’s not like it’s haunted!

McGee