NCIS quotes are a big reason to watch the show. The one-liners delivered by the characters in jest and the lightning-quick exchanges as they pertain to the cases make for terrific viewing.
Jake: Agent DiNozzo, I presume?
Tony: The elusive Jake. It's nice to know Bishop hasn't been catfishing us all year. I was starting to wonder.
Bishop: Well you can stop wondering, Tony. As you can see, Jake is quite real.
Tony: Unless he's a hologram who can shake hands.
Jake: NSA is actually working on one of those, I've seen the prototype.
Tony: Yeah that'd be pretty fun. Really?
Tony: Had me, for a second. That's too bad, because I'd like one of those. I like him, he's quick.
- Permalink: Tony meets Bishop's better half
Bishop: Excuse me. Hey, I said excuse me.
Jake: Is there a problem, sir?
Murderer: I don't know, is there?
Jake: I heard my wife say "excuse me", just now. Doesn't that get an "excuse me" in return?
Bishop: It's all right. Some people just have better manners than others.
Dobbs: It's okay, miss. Your husband's right. My bad.
- Permalink: No excuse.
Tony: I hate couples.
Bishop: You asked how we met.
Jake: Granted, you kind of had to be there.
Tony: Oh no, not you guys. You're great. Just couples in general.
- Permalink: Nothing personal.
Palmer: Well there's Dirk, if it's a boy obviously. Or Oskar, with a "K".
Abby: Oskar Palmer. It's a lot of "Rs".
Palmer: If it's a girl, we're thinking Frieda, Greta, Liesl. Something von Trappish.
- Permalink: How about Ishmael?
Bishop: His gun's gone, Tony.
Tony: Great. We're snowed in here with an airport filled with cranky passengers, a dead fake Air Marshall and his killer on the loose somewhere on the loose with a knife and a gun. Anybody else feel like they're playing Clue?
- Permalink: Mr. Mustard in the library room with the candlestick
Tony: Maybe that's why we never see Jake. Maybe she ate him.
Bishop: Or maybe he's just busy.
Tony: Or maybe you had him with fava beans, and a nice Chianti
- Permalink: Tony channels Hannibal
Gibbs: So, they won't understand, they don't know you are, they don't know what you've done. We want to help.
Dillon: Well I'm glad to hear that but it's too late sir. I called 911. I tried to help those kids and one's dad.
Gibbs: Yeah but two are alive because of you.
Dillon: There should be three. I hesitated.
Gibbs: Can't blame yourself.
Dillon: He was alive when I got there, he was dead when I left. I know I could have done more.
- Permalink: Self-recrimination
I have the training, you know that. Ever since I got out I can't get a single job in the field. I've been saving to go to medical school. But even if I'm cleared you think anyone will accept me with this on my record? I learn the same as the Army and the Air Force medics and for some reason they come out EMT Basic and they could have legally saved those kids. Why can't I?Dillon
- Permalink: Synopsis of a stupid law
Carrie: Why do you insist on meeting me here? And don't tell me it's the food.
Gibbs: Good people. Honest people. Hungry people. Club sandwich isn't half bad.
Carrie: I'm sorry about your dad.
Gibbs: He would have loved to have met you.
Carrie: Rumor has it he was as challenging as his son.
Gibbs: Yeah well, there's an understatement.
Carrie: I like a good challenge.
- Permalink: I like a good challenge.
Tony: You know the "Men" in "Men's Room" is more of a rule than a suggestion, probie.
Bishop: Look, you two always get to go off giggling to the urinal together and I always get left out. So we're going to talk and we're going to do it here.
- Permalink: Giggling to the urinal
McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.
- Permalink: Abby's highly-specific rules for dating
Trust us, Bishop. The Abby dating world is a vortex you do not want to get sucked into. Sometimes it's complicated. Just let Abby be Abby.Tony
- Permalink: One rule for Abby, another for Tony