Gibbs: It’s strictly voluntary.
McGee: I’m good.
Gibbs: Well, you got new responsibilities.
McGee: Boss, I appreciate that, but… don’t forget, I’m an NCIS Special Agent.

McGee: What did Bishop say?
Gibbs: We should go to church.
Torres: Oh, my mom would be so happy right now…

Curtis: You can call me… anything you want!
Abby: How about “Totally Inappropriate”?

Gibbs: What’ve you got?
Abby: What we’ve got is prep for a fishing trip if you’re gonna go after Moby Dick, or else Dean and Hudson were preparing for war.

Jimmy: I know you like me, too.
Gibbs [ominously]: Oh, yeah.
Jimmy: Growing less and less certain by the second.

Ducky [regarding “Goodfellas”]: Actually, I saw it with Gibbs!
Jimmy: Really? Gibbs sees movies, like made *after* 1957?
Gibbs [walks in]: What’s your point?
Jimmy: Whoa. That was an impressively quiet entrance.

Bishop: Courtesy of Facebook, we learned that Dean once sailed across the Pacific. Alone.
McGee: Before that, he summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, also alone.
Torres: A man after my own hear. Except for the mountain climbing and sailing. And, uh, Meat Loaf.
Bishop: Hey, I like Meat Loaf.
Gibbs: Why are we talking about Meat Loaf? We got a theory or not?!

By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. [beat] You should smooch.

Jimmy

Quinn: Weddings are weird enough without the extra pressure [of finding a plus-one date].
Torres: Oh, man, I totally agree. I’m right there with you!
Quinn: Besides, it’s way more fun to watch the creepy guys troll the wedding looking for single women to hook up with. You know the type!
Torres [uncomfortable]: Uh, sure… yeah…

Vance: As someone who was also married to a strong, intelligent woman, may I give you some advice, Agent McGee?
McGee: Don’t blow it?
Vance: No. Never take it for granted. Not for one second. And don’t blow it.

Oh, and you think my eighty hours a week at the DOD is for funsies?

Delilah [on being too busy]

Commander, your ship is an active crime scene. The only place it’s going is back to Norfolk!

Gibbs

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.