NCIS

Tuesdays 8:00 PM on CBS
Ncis
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NCIS quotes are a big reason to watch the show. The one-liners delivered by the characters in jest and the lightning-quick exchanges as they pertain to the cases make for terrific viewing.

McGee: She doesn't want to wear a costume.
Tony: What? Are you insane? For the love of all that is holy, probie - let's get with the program. Abby takes this holiday very seriously. You deviate from the plan, you pay the consequences. Tell her, McGee.
McGee: Halloween 2007, I told Abby I didn't want to carve a pumpkin.
Tony: He's still waiting for the other one to descend.

Bishop: What about Chris in HR?
Tony: Nah. Too judgmental. She never laughed at the emails I sent her.
McGee: That's because they were offensive.
Tony: See? Too judgmental.
Bishop: What about Erica from accounting? What went wrong there?
Tony: Cats. They were all named Mr. Darcy.
Bishop: Don't you think you're being a little picky?
Tony: Well, there's a lot of fish in the sea.
McGee: Not at the rate you've been fishing.
Tony: What can I say, McGee? Women find me alluring.

Bishop: Okay. Which costume do you like better for me and Jake? Popeye and Olive Oil or the old farming couple from American Gothic?
Tony: Neither. Bishop this is a chance for you to be whoever you want for one night. Why don't you get crazy; step out of your preppy librarian "hot for teacher" comfort zone?
Bishop: Hey.
McGee: What are your other ideas?
Bishop: I don't want to say.
Tony: Romeo and Juliet.
McGee: Cinderella and Prince Charming.
Tony: Anthony and Cleopatra
McGee: Bonnie and Clyde
Tony: How close are we?

Keates: Spider?
Tony: Keates?
Gibbs: You know her?
Tony: Um, well I..in a sort of...yeah. She's Philly PD.
Keates: She was. She's ATF now. Special Agent Zoe Keates. You want to get that gun out of my face and come over here and give me a hug?

Keates: If there was ever any indication that he or his family were any danger we would have stepped in.
Gibbs: His wife's dead. Think you missed your cue.
Keates: Okay look here, John Wayne. You don't come into my house and accuse me of not doing my job.
Tony: Okay why don't we just settle down, back it up.
Keates: Like hell. I am damned good at what I do. I'm also professional enough to admit when I've made a mistake but only when I've made one.

Burton: Isn't this a pleasant surprise. And who might you be?
Tony: I'm very special Agent Tony DiNozzo.
Burton: I do love Italian.

When a dog turns on its owner, there's only one possible course of action - you put the dog down. I ate mine. Childhood memories are the sweetest, aren't they?

Burton

Bishop: Agent Keats, I was just wondering, for no particular reason: what are your thoughts on classic movie marathons and homecooked Italian meals?
Keates: Well, I appreciate the offer, but you're barking up the wrong tree.
Bishop: No, no no, I wasn't----
McGee: Smooth.

Abby: I know you, Tony. The real you. And the fake happy front you put up you.
Tony: Oh come on. I am a happy dude. I mean I like, radiate happiness. That song "Happy"?
Abby: That's baloney. This whole random act of dating schtick? Nobody's buying it, okay? We know you're lonely, and we no why. Ziva. Say it. Ziva.
Tony: Come on. I can say it. I know her name. Ziva.
Abby: Okay then let's stop dancing around this whole thing, okay - we all miss her. I love Ziva but she left us. She's gone. And it hurts, and it sucks but that's reality. We have to face it.
Tony: I have faced it, many many times. She said no, she didn't want to come back. That's that. I have moved on from it.
Abby: But you haven't moved on from her. And you can't keep putting your life on hold waiting for her to show up, because she probably never will.
Tony: I know. Doesn't make it any easier. The truth is: I miss my friend.
Abby: You have friends here too, Tony, don't forget.
Tony: I know. Thanks Abby.

Rachel: What's wrong Agent Gibbs?
Gibbs: You haven't been honest with me.
Rachel: What do you mean?
Gibbs: (shows her the gun) I went back by your house. I did a little digging under your fort.
Rachel: I didn't have time to bury it deeper. I needed to get back before Mr. Curtis realized I snuck out.
Gibbs: Then what happened?
Rachel: Don't look at me like that.
Gibbs: I want to help you. I can't help you if you don't let me.
Rachel: That's exactly what my mother said. That she wanted to help me. She was going to send me to a special hospital in Montana for treatment. I don't need help. I hate that word. And I hated her.
Gibbs: Yeah but you don't hate your dad though do you?
Rachel: No. Dad didn't see what she did. Things were always better when he was around.
Gibbs: That's why you injured yourself? So he'd come back?
Rachel: Sometimes it worked. But he'd never stay as long as I wanted.
Gibbs: Unless your mom was gone. Then he couldn't leave you.
Rachel: It's her own fault. All she ever did was make me feel broken. Getting rid of her was the best solution. Daddy didn't understand either when I told him what I did. He'll come around eventually. I'm a sweet little girl. Can I have another juice?

Bishop: It's just....I did everything right. I mean, I was textbook. How can I fail?
McGee: Everybody fails. It's the Kobayashi Maru.

Meyer: I'm sorry, I feel like we're not on the same page. What's this about?
Gibbs: Joe Willis - he's your security officer?
Meyer: He in some kind of trouble?
Gibbs: Yeah, you could say that.
Meyer: Holy crap.
Borin: We on the same page now?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 693 in total
NCIS quotes are not to be missed. The crime solving is great and all, but the one-liners from the characters - and Tony's movie quotes, and Gibbs' one-word zingers - are often some of the most memorable parts of a given episode. Be it simple or profound, the show has a way of amping up the drama when it matters most and using levity to keep things grounded. NCIS quotes cover the full spectrum and then some.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

Keates: Spider?
Tony: Keates?
Gibbs: You know her?
Tony: Um, well I..in a sort of...yeah. She's Philly PD.
Keates: She was. She's ATF now. Special Agent Zoe Keates. You want to get that gun out of my face and come over here and give me a hug?

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