NCIS quotes are a big reason to watch the show. The one-liners delivered by the characters in jest and the lightning-quick exchanges as they pertain to the cases make for terrific viewing.
You have arrived at your final destination.GPS
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If a dead dude's shed explodes in the woods and there's no one around to hear it, did it make a sound?Tony
McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.
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Clark: I knew you looked familiar. Remember those blue eyes from the photo i.d.s I whipped up. I used to keep the undercover persona as close as possible to the agent adopting it. That's why Speers was a former Marine from Stillwater Pennsylvania.
Bishop: How do you remember that?
Clark: They were my creations. Does an artist forget the details of her paintings? I certainly hope not.
McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
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Gibbs: You need something Bishop.
Bishop: Nope. I'm good.
Gibbs: Wasn't a question.
Bishop: Deep undercover work, like Tony did years ago. Hypothetically, would you ever put me in that position?
Gibbs: That's tough to answer.
Bishop: I'm only saying....I know the big picture. Eventually, everyone's time comes. And I understand and accept that.
Gibbs: Forget the big picture. Look at everything close up.
Bishop: Do you think that working undercover for so long affected your marriage?
Gibbs: Go home to Jake, Bishop.
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State Trooper Johnson: What do we have there?
Fornell: It's okay. It's prescription bourbon.
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Pavlenko: Now we're practically golf buddies.
Gibbs: I don't golf.
Pavlenko: Well, who has time, I mean really?
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Tony: We can handle it.
Tony: Bishop and I can handle the interviews. It might be better.
Gibbs: Better? What's better, DiNozzo? What are you trying to say? Spit it out.
Tony: Well your bedside manner might be....you might be too close to this.
Ducky: He's saying take a breath, Jethro! It's good advice for all of us.
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Gibbs: He's going through a tough time.
Emily: Don't soft-pedal me Uncle Gibbs. He looks nuts with that bald head.
Gibbs: It was an undercover operation.
Emily: You don't believe that. Last week he shaved it twice in one day. Says it helps him feel clean. Since mom died he's been angry, bitter, self-destructive. Oh, and drunk. He's drinking way too much. You know what he's experiencing. I've tried to help but he doesn't listen to me and I've got my own grief to work through.
Gibbs: How's that going?
Emily: Some good days, some awful. All compounded by being a teenager who can't be expected to maintain a teenage social calendar if I'm too busy worrying about my father hurting himself or anyone else.
Gibbs: Okay I'll talk to him.
Emily: No. Help him. Please.
Gibbs: I will.
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Fornell: You said we were going after Sergei.
Gibbs: No, no. You said that. I said let's go.
Fornell: Which would imply agreement. What the hell are we doing out here? Wait a minute. An intervention? Is that what this is?
Gibbs: Do you think you need one?
Fornell: No! I mean last night was bad yes, but not bad enough to make any kind of New Age come-to-Jesus even remotely necessary.
Gibbs: Good. That's not what this is. No more slow-motion suicide Tobias. You want to kill yourself, fine with me. Go ahead. I'll even come with you.
Bishop: Well, family first. Not to mention your brave suggestion. He might just be too close.
Tony: Are you mocking me?
Bishop: Well, he obviously took it to heart.
Tony: Okay. Number one - that's adorable. And number two - Gibbs would never bail on a case much less a Sergei case much much less at my suggestion.
McGee: Unless he had a plan.
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McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.
McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.
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