Andy: Or, I could just not drink.
Jill: What?
Andy: If it makes you uncomfortable, I won't drink.
Jill: You can do that?
Andy: Absolutely.
Jill: Oh my god, I love that you would do that for me. And I hate you because you can.

It smells so good in here. It's like a pumpkin made love to a gingerbread man in an orange grove.


Adam: They should make meat dessert. Like meat in a pie.
Andy: Meatloaf pot pie! But no peas.
Adam: Why do people ruin everything with peas? Get out of here peas!

See this? It's my mind. Know why it's over here? 'Cos it's blown.


You have money, to live alone, without an annoying older woman? That's my dream!


Christy, I was in prison seven years. The mystery's gone.


Seymour is a very vigorous 72.


Christy: Why are you so hung up on having couple friends?
Bonnie: It's what you do when you get married. You cultivate relationships with other couples. You go to movies together, you meet for sushi, you stay at their beach house. They had a beach house.
Christy: Really? Do they have any kids my age?

Adam: Okay, first of all. The women in the video...Rebecca was a coke addict, Laura was a coke addict, and Jenny was a practicing witch. And a coke addict. Second of all, the Adam you saw in that video. Not a good guy.
Bonnie: I don't believe it. You're just trying to make me feel better.

Veronica: Christy, I am at the gym at 6:00 a.m. every morning punching a heavy bag to get my frustration out so I can suffer through another 12-hour day of coddling clients and sucking up to judges, so when I belittle you, be grateful, because what I really want to do is wring your ridiculously tiny neck. Seriously, it's smaller than a sparrow's. How does your head not just flop around all over the place?

Veronica: Honestly, a trained poodle could do your job better.
Christy: You know I am doing the best I can, and I would appreciate it if you didn't belittle me anymore.
Veronica: Oh god, my assistant has feelings and I don't have coffee.

(voiceover) Am I crazy or do I sound like Adele? I should cut a demo.


Mom Quotes

God, I hate those sunglasses. Why did he wait until our honeymoon to break out the hideous ladies eyewear?


Pants off we're mounting the bear.