Jay: Let me tell you about a little innovation called Netflix. You'll never miss another movie again.
Marty: Really?
Jay: Hand to God. You pick a film on your computer. Three days later, there's a disc in your mailbox. You gotta stay up with technology, Marty!
Marty: Wow. Thanks... [to his wife] Can you believe he doesn't know about streaming? If I ever get that out of touch? Kill me.

Mitchell: Aaaaaah! I can't even believe I'm talking to you right now!!
Barbara Streisand's Voice: Please. I'm just a regular person like you. I have people put on my pants one leg at a time.
Mitchell [wheezing and clapping]: That's so funny!

Gloria: What is wrong with you today?
Jay: I'm sick of Marty lumping me into the same age category as him! Guys like us, back in our day. I'm a baby boomer for God's sake. I know all the words to Light My Fire!

When you see my movies later, you're going to realize this is a special moment.

Ray Liotta [while posing for a selfie]

Ray Liotta: Goodfellas! Something Wild. Field of Dreams?
Luke: Never seen it.
Alex: We're really not that old.
Mitchell: Ray Liotta is a really fine actor, and we have taken up enough of his time...
Ray Liotta: Quit saying my full name like you have to tell them who I am.
Mitchell: Well...

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Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.

Alex: Focus people, what does Uncle Mitchell like?
Haley: I don't know, gay things, right? What's a gay think you can think of?
Luke: Ha. He's married to it.

It's getting a little warm in here. Do you mind if we crack a window? Unless I've already done that with my head...

Mitchell [while blindfolded in the backseat of a speeding car]

Claire: You can't just roll over on someone because it makes you uncomfortable!
Phil: Whatever you want.

Phil: Trust me I'm cool as a cucumber. Something about the coat just knows what my body needs.
Claire: You're sweating like a heroin addict.

Mitchell: The family has been mocking us relentlessly all year.
Cam: Nicknames like Screeches and Herb, Simon and God-awful, Nickelback.

I want a White Christmas. You know, like white people have.