Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

It happened. Satan's trifecta. The day I most dreaded had fallen on the day I most loved.


Okay birthday boy, what's it gonna be, rom-com or horror? Or we could do both and watch Maid in Manhattan.


I can be spontaneous every 4 years.


I live with 4 teenagers, you live with 2 adults.

Claire [to Gloria]

She promised she wouldn't tell Dad until after I left for college, which means that he may never have found out.

Haley [to Alex]

There are blind models? That's so sad, they can't see how pretty they are!


Do you think it would be offensive to ask my daughter to walk on my back?


Luke: My mom hates messes.
Manny: I'm familiar with Claire.

She's like a dream, wrapped in a wish, poured into jeggings.

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