You can kiss my wife, you can take her to bed, but only I can make her laugh.


I know you can't tell by looking at me, but I'm not a natural homemaker.


Cam, our shared bathroom is not the place to work out whatever's going on here!


I think somebody has a man crush.


He got divorced and his whole life opened up. Guy's living the dream.


Phil: All over YouTube.
Claire: It went viral.
Phil: Some sicko auto-tunned me.

Ma'am according to this police report he broke into a stranger's room, stripped naked, and posed provocatively.

Duane Bailey [to Claire]

Phil: Someday I'll be walking you down the aisle.
Haley: Not if you're in perv jail.

I think it's cool you're running for town office. It's totally nerdy but that's kind of my thing.

Alex [to Claire]

Cam: I'm sorry but you know I have two weakness: children cursing and old people rapping!

More like Little Bo Cheap.


Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me special.
Claire: Hunnie that wasn't a compliment.

Modern Family Season 3 Quotes

Look I'm the horse whisperer but something is making this one skittish!

Gloria [screaming]

Cam: You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you?
Mitchell: No I told you it was fine, I just didn't like you wearing a matching one.