Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

It's hard to have a relationship and a clown career. That's the reason there are so many single clowns.

Cam

Social networking or social not-working?

Luke

Claire: Hey how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?
Haley: I didn't know you were on Facebook.
Alex: Yeah you said it was only for teenagers or people who wanted to have affairs.

Gloria [punches guy]: Nobody calls him grandpa!
Luke: I do.

First of all, that lady is my son.

Jay [about Mitchell]

It smells like puke married poop and they had the ceremony in my nose.

Luke

I always thought of women as the more evolved sex, but after today...I've seen things Jay.

Manny

Doesn't he know that tiptoeing around someone like they're crazy, actually makes them crazy?

Claire

A month after the most devastating twister to ever hit Cam's hometown, I throw a party based on gay cinema's most famous tornado.

Mitchell
Displaying quotes 64 - 72 of 233 in total