Cam: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called everytime I feel depressed about something, I take a drink.
Mitchell: That's already a game. It's called alcoholism.

Isn't it enough this family spends a lot of time together? Now we have to inbreed?


It's a freakshow, but it's their freakshow.


Stop acting like I'm some staunchy old coot! I've grown.


You're going to have Cam's baby just to avoid it being weird?

Phil [to Claire]

And what are we supposed to tell the baby? Say hi to your Aunt Mommy!


I think we're all having a baby!


Sometimes I worry nobody's going to like Alex.


I can't express to you how badly this kid needs football.

Jay [about Manny]

My wife took 50% of my stuff and left 100% of my kids.


Good to see you Betty Luke.

Phil [to Luke]

I know it's stupid, but it's nice to know that sometimes you'll fight for me and all I have to do is laugh at some other guy's story.


Modern Family Season 3 Quotes

Look I'm the horse whisperer but something is making this one skittish!

Gloria [screaming]

Cam: You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you?
Mitchell: No I told you it was fine, I just didn't like you wearing a matching one.